


Embers and Flames

by rainbow_salt



Series: Fire That Consumes All [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fire Nation Royal Family, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Murder, Non-Consensual Violence, Physical Abuse, Swearing, Threats of Violence, Verbal Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_salt/pseuds/rainbow_salt
Summary: Once, he was just a kid. Once, he was best friends with the Avatar. But a decision made by a lust for power would change the fate of the four nations forever, leaving a legacy painted in blood behind.This is the story of Fire Lord Sozin.
Relationships: Azulon & Sozin (Avatar), Roku & Sozin (Avatar), Roku/Ta Min (Avatar)
Series: Fire That Consumes All [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996969
Comments: 40
Kudos: 39





	1. Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I decided to write this story because I am really interested in the lives of the Fire Nation Royalty. We don't really see much of it, especially during Azulon's reign. We only hear about the things they did, and we only get to take a look into their lives through somebody else's eyes. So I decided that, why not should I write about their everyday lives and how did they get so ruthless? This is going to be a pretty long story starting from Sozin's teenage years and ending with Zuko's reign (possibly more if I ever get a chance to rewatch Legend of Korra). This is going to be almost entirely canon compliant, but more mature, so you've been warned. It starts out pretty tame, but as the time goes, it will get heavier. Anyways, now that I've got this out of the way, let's get on with the story!
> 
> Edit: This story is a series now. Each Fire Lord’s life will be told in separate stories. The tags and description has been updated to suit the story of Sozin, and the deleted tags will be added into the other stories that they will actually come into play.

"Come and get me!" Shouted the young boy while running around the well-mown grass in the garden of the royal palace, fresh air hitting his face and the warm rays of the sun heating him up. His friend sent a blast of fire in his direction, but he easily blocked the attack with a fire wall, turning to face him, catching him off guard and lighting up his fist, directing it at his friend.

"Accept the defeat, Roku. You can't beat me!" He said in a fake serious voice, trying to hide his smile.

Roku fell on his knees. " _Oh, please oh Prince Sozin_. Spare the life of this poor boy." He mocked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Sozin erupted into laughter and put out the fire in his fist. He reached his hand out to Roku, who was laughing as well, to help him up. But Roku saw the opportunity in his distraction and with a swift kick, he knocked Sozin off his feet, his friend falling onto the grass covered ground on his back.

"You shouldn't have spared me." He laughed and got up from the ground to help Sozin up to his feet again.

Sozin ignored his friend's helping hand and got up on his own, blades of grass crushed under his feet. He dusted off the dirt and grass on his pants caused by falling down. "Fine, you won." He said, crossing his arms and pretending to be offended. "Next time, know that I won't have any mercy."

"You always say that, Sozin." The boy smirked. "But you can never hurt me." He patted the Prince on the shoulder.

"We'll see about that." Sozin muttered grumpily, but didn't push his friend away.

"Sore loser." Roku snorted and after a minute or two, Sozin finally stopped pretending as if he was cross with Roku and laughed at his mocking. He walked towards the giant oak tree in the garden and sat down at its roots to rest after their practice.

"You are getting quite good at fighting, Roku." He said finally with a grin on his face. "I am impressed."

"Well, I am pleased to know that I was able to impress you, _Your Highness_." Roku laughed as he sat down next to Sozin, placing his arms over his knees as he leaned back into the tree.

"Hey, don't call me that!" Sozin jokingly elbowed his friend in the ribs.

"Okay, okay. Don't hit me!" He doubled over, still laughing. They sat there silent for a while as they waited for their breaths to even out after the fight. "You know, you are going to be the Fire Lord someday."

"Of course I know." He rolled his eyes. "Do you think I could not be aware of the fact?"

"What I meant was, you know, how do you _feel_ about it? It must be hard to have such a big responsibility." Roku shrugged. _Feelings._ It was a topic Sozin always tried to avoid.

Sozin sighed, he was tired, and talking about serious topics with his friend was the last thing he wished. "Well, I am constantly being trained by my father and his advisors to be able to handle that responsibility." He shrugged. "I am sure I will accomplish great things once I am the Fire Lord. But right now, there is no point talking about it." He tried to dismiss the topic. His father was quite healthy, and he probably wasn't going to abdicate any time soon.

He nodded, thinking about it for a while. "Yeah, I am sure you will." He said and remained silent for the next few seconds. "Do you think we will remain friends? You know, after you become the Fire Lord?"

Sozin turned his head to look at Roku, a confused look on his face. "Of course we will!" He said, suprised. "Roku, you are my best friend. You are one of the few people who don't like me just because I am the heir to the throne. Why would me being the Fire Lord should change anything about our friendship?"

"I don't know. I guess I kinda thought we would grow distant, since you will be so busy all the time." He shook his head slightly. "You know what? Forget I said anything. It was stupid, of course we will still be friends even if we don't get to see each other as often."

"Enough about serious stuff!" Sozin exclaimed as he punched Roku on the arm. "Let's talk about Ta Min." He gave Roku a smirk as his friend's face turned to a bright shade of red.

"W-What about Ta Min?" Roku stammered, looking at anywhere but Sozin's face while trying in vain to make the heat disappear from his face.

"You like her!" Sozin exclaimed in victory.

"I don't!" Roku protested, still looking away, hoping that he couldn't read his face.

"You do!" Sozin insisted. "Don't lie, Roku. I mean, look at you. You are red as a beet!" He taunted, poking him in the knee.

"Okay, fine I like her..." He muttered under his breath, grumpily. "Are you happy now?"

"I knew it!" Sozin chimed happily. "No offence, Roku, but you are not very good at hiding it. One must be blind to not see it." He grinned.

"Wait, are you saying that she knows?!" Roku exclaimed in horror, he felt like he couldn't live with the embarassment of her knowing. Sozin teasing him about it was bad enough as it was already.

"No. She seems pretty blind to me." Sozin shrugged. "But I think she might like you too. You should go and talk to her." He tried to encourage his friend.

"No way!" Roku's face turned into an even darker shade of red. "I can't. No, never." He shook his head quickly.

"Well, if you are so scared to talk to her, I can do it for you." Sozin suggested, a taunting grin on his face. _Oh, how he liked annoying his friend._

"Don't you dare Sozin!" Roku exclaimed in panic. "You can be sure that I will kill you if you actually do that!"

Sozin laughed at his friend's panicked state. "Okay, okay. Calm down, lover boy." He teased him. It was so easy to push Roku’s buttons when it came to Ta Min.

Roku took a deep breath and tried to make his blush, which was settled deep in his face, disappear. He didn't like the way this conversation was heading so he decided to take away the attention off him by teasing back Sozin. "What about you?" He asked with grin, trying to get the upper hand.

"What about me?" Sozin responded, brows furrowing in confusion as he debated what his friend was trying to get at.

"Well, you know, do you have anyone you like?" He wasn't just trying to distract him, he was genuinely curious about this. Even if Sozin did like someone, he was sure as hell very good at hiding it, like he was at hiding anything.

Sozin rolled his eyes at his friend. "You know I don't."

"No, I don't know. For all I know, you could even be dating someone, and I wouldn't know a thing as long as you don't tell me. You are very good at keeping your secrets to yourself." Roku insisted.

"Whatever." Sozin brushed it off, a dismissive look on his face. "I don't like anyone."

Roku raised an eyebrow at his friend, something in his tone bothering him. "What's wrong?" He asked curiously. "Why do you sound so... _bitter_ about this?"

"I don't!" Sozin protested, crossing his arms. He didn't want to get into this conversation with his friend. Not right now, and most probably, _not ever._

"You know you look and sound like a child right now, right?" Roku chuckled slightly. "The only thing missing is a tongue sticking out of your mouth." He looked at his friend, his smile disappearing. "Seriously, though, what's up?"

Sozin sighed, letting his arms fall to his sides again, feeling the grass under his fingertips as he plucked them absent-mindedly. "I just don't want to think about liking and dating anyone, okay?" He turned his gaze towards the blue sky above him, squinting eyes because of the bright sun that was typical in the Fire Nation. "It won't matter in the end anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I am probably going to have to marry who my father chooses when the time comes. He wouldn't want me to date a random girl, it has to be approved by the Fire Lord first." He rolled his eyes again. "So why bother with anyone when it won't really make a difference?"

Roku didn't know how to respond to that. "Sorry, I didn't know." He mumbled.

"It's okay. There is no point talking about this anyway. I don't like anyone, and my father has no intention to marry me off soon, since me getting married and having an heir would mean his reign would soon come to an end." He shrugged, trying to emphasize that he didn’t care, that he was fine with this. He knew it had to be this way ever since he was little, he’d had plenty of time to get used to the idea. "Besides, I am only fifteen anyways."

He looked at the blades of grass he had plucked, tearing them apart with his hands as he leaned them against his knees. He didn't feel like he was in the mood to tease Roku anymore. He looked at the sky again, this time with intent. It was getting late, the sun would start to set in an hour or so. He got up from the ground, dusting off his hands and pants again, and turned to face Roku, who was not looking particularly joyful after that conversation either.

"I should probably go now." He motioned towards the palace with his head. "I'll see you tomorrow?” It wasn’t actually a question. It was their routine to meet up to practice together, and spend some time.

“Sure.” Roku waved a hand at him, getting up as well and starting to walk towards the opposite direction as his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the first chapter. It is pretty introductory, not much drama going on. It will get more action packed and dark when they actually become adults and when Sozin becomes the Fire Lord. Since I want this to be about their lives, not every chapter will end in a suspenseful way, most of them will be pretty normal, well you know, as normal as a royal family can get. Anyways, I hope you liked it!


	2. Bad News

The Prince walked out of the garden and into the royal palace, squinting his eyes at the sudden change of brightness. His footsteps were echoing in the empty hallway, the marble floor smooth under his feet. The discussion he had with Roku was still occupying his thoughts. 

So what if he wouldn’t get to marry who he would choose? It didn’t matter, it wasn’t like he was going to fall in love with anyone. And he still had a lot of time to think about these stuff. _Damn Roku, for making him think about this when it was always buried deep under other thougths._

He shook his head quickly, these stupid thoughts had no place distracting him.

He walked past a few guards in the halls, it seemed like they weren’t looking him in the eye. The helmets covering their faces were turned towards the floor, avoiding the Prince’s gaze. He didn’t know what was going on, and he didn’t like that, not one bit. 

Once he arrived at the doors of his chambers, he rushed inside, shielding himself from the strange looks of the people in the palace. Something was going on that he wasn’t aware of. 

He walked towards the private bathroom of his chambers, washing off the sweat and dirt caused by his practice with Roku. He put on his silk robe, tying his hair up in a bun. He looked at his reflection in the tall mirror in his room, he was looking tired. He needed some time to rest before it was time for dinner.

He lied on the bed, looking up at the ornate ceiling above him. His eyelids were starting to grow heavy, but he didn’t fight them, the silk sheets and the soft pillow pulling him in.

He didn’t know for how long he was asleep, but jolted awake when there was a knock on the large wooden door of his room. He quickly sat up and called out to whoever it was behind it, “Enter.”

“My apologies for disturbing you, my Prince.” A servant that he didn't know the name of, bowed respectfully. “I just wanted to let you know that dinner is ready.”

Sozin looked out of the window, noticing only now that the sun wasn't illuminating the room anymore. He was late. _Damn it, my father is going to kill me_ , he thought to himself as he stood up from the bed, the polished floorboards creaking under his feet.

He looked back at the servant and nodded. “Understood. You may leave now.” He dismissed her. The servant bowed one more time before she closed the door quietly.

He was about to leave the room when it occurred to him that he had changed into his sleeping robes before, and there was no way he could go to dinner in them, and with a haphazardly put up hair.

He sighed and walked up to his wardrobe, the doors opening with a slight creak. He put on the first set of formal robes he got his hands on, he didn’t have much time to think about what to wear. Then he stood once again in front of the mirror and untied his hair, long black strands falling onto his shoulders like a curtain. He grabbed the gold colored comb with a bunch of red jewels on it and started to comb his hair, putting it into a neat bun. Finally, he placed his gold headpiece in it, and faced himself in the mirror once more, satisfied of the work he had done. He turned away and walked out of the room, keeping his strides even but still, relatively fast, as he made his way towards the dining room, preparing himself to get told off by his father.

To his surprise, when he entered the room, there was no one sitting around the table. The room was empty except for the two guards standing in front of the door, also looking down, a waiter with a single silver food tray in his hand, and a sad looking servant next to him.

When he saw him approaching the table, the servant pulled a chair back for the Prince to sit. “Your food, Your Highness.” The waiter placed the porcelain plate in front of him and retreated, bowing his head in respect. “Is there anything else you need, Prince Sozin?” Asked the servant, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor, but it wasn’t out of respect like it usually was. This time was different, Sozin could tell. But why? 

“Where is my father?” 

“He has an important business to attend to, Your Highness.” The servant replied, not taking his eyes off the dark floorboards.

“What about my mother?” 

The servant didn’t respond, still averting his gaze in... _sadness_?

“I asked you a question!” The Prince's voice was firm and demanding.

“It is not my place to say it, Prince Sozin. My apologies. The Fire Lord specifically told us to --”

“I order you to say it!” He shouted, raising up from his chair.

The servant flinched slightly at the tone of his voice. “Your mother is very sick, my Prince.” He mumbled, still refusing to take his eyes off the spot on the floor where they seemed to be glued on. “She is resting in her chambers, but do not worry, the royal healer is doing --”

His words were abruptly cut off as Sozin pushed his chair back, knocking it down, causing the servant to flinch in fear and the guards to finally lift up their eyes. He stormed out of the dimly lit dining room, shooting an angry look at the two guards at the door. 

So this was the reason everyone was acting strange. Everybody knew and no one had bothered to tell him! The Fire Lord, his own father, had told them to not tell him anything, apparently. She could’ve died and he would learn it after it happened! A shiver ran down his spine at the mere thought. He wasn’t ready to lose his mother.

He walked towards the end of the hall, to her mother’s private chambers. There was no one at the door so he pushed the door open without even knocking. His father and the healer were talking quietly in the corner, the latter had a distressed look on his face against the other one’s clear frustration. Both of those looks turned towards him when he entered the room.

There was an immediate silence, almost deafening. His gaze turned towards her mother who was lying under the silk covers, looking pale and worn. There was a pained look on her face but he couldn’t quite make out if she was conscious or not.

“Prince Sozin.” The healer bowed his head in respect, earning an angry look from the Fire Lord himself.

“Sozin.” He said through gritted teeth. “What are you doing here, son?” He was acting calm, but Sozin knew it was a facade.

“When did you plan on telling me?” Sozin snapped, raising his voice at his father. “After she died?!”

His father’s brows furrowed in anger. “Leave.” He ordered the healer. The man didn’t make the Fire Lord repeat himself twice, bowing one last time at both of them before he quickly left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

“Do not raise your voice at me, Sozin.” He said firmly. “I did not tell you because you should not need to distract yourself from your studies and your practices.”

“Distract myself?!” He asked, incredulous. “Look at her, she is dying!” He pointed towards the bed with his finger.

The Fire Lord sighed, looking at his son. “You are clearly upset, Sozin. I will excuse your disrespect towards me this time. Do not do it again.” His voice was low but firm.

The Prince didn't respond, even though he wanted to say that his father can shove that disrespect somewhere. He knew that was no way of speaking with the Fire Lord, and the last thing he needed was fighting with his father. But there was no way he was going to apologize after he made everyone in the palace lie to him. So he bit his tongue to prevent the words from coming out, and turned his gaze away from him. Instead, he directed his attention to his mother, as he seated himself on the edge of her bed.

His mother slowly opened her eyes. “ _S-Sozin_?” She asked with a weak voice.

“Yes, mother. I am here.” He said, holding her hand that was laying limp on the red sheets and squeezing it lightly, she looked fragile, as if the slightest touch was going to shatter her. He tried to keep his voice from cracking, knowing that his father was looming above them. He did not want to seem weak.

She tried to squeeze his hand back, but she was too weak. He noticed how cold her hand was, it was almost lifeless in his own.

Unshed tears were starting to sting his eyes, but he was determined not to cry, he bit the inside of his cheek and took in a deep breath. Luckily for him, the Fire Lord was understanding enough to leave his son alone with his mother, or the heavy atmosphere of the room had bored him. Sozin would never know, but either way, it would work on his favor. He looked at the tall door that lead to the halls, as it closed behind his father.

Once it did, he turned his gaze back to his mother, her face was almost sunken in, forehead covered in sweat, strands of long black hair stuck onto it. Her skin was pale and clammy, her under eyes were so dark that it looked like her eye sockets were emptly. A pained expression past her face as she wriggled slightly under the sheets.

“I am afraid I don’t have much time left, my son.” Her voice sounded like she hadn’t drunk a single drop of water in days.

“Don’t say that mother. I am sure you will get better soon.” These were just the words of reassurance that needed to be said, he knew very well that it was a low possibility that she would even make it through the night.

She shook her head slightly, trying to smile but it didn’t reach her half closed eyes. “You’ve grown so fast, you became a young man.” She weakly lifted her to touch his cheek, caressing it with her thumb. “Although I regret not being able to see you grow more, at least I can leave in peace knowing that you don’t need me anymore…” Her hand fell on the mattress, her face looking even more pained than before, as if that small movement required a lot of effort and strenght. “I want you to know that I love you, son.” Her voice was strained, every word coming out in breaths. 

“I love you too, mother.” He felt a lump in his throat, preventing him from swallowing. _Don’t cry. Not here. Not right now._

“I am tired, Sozin.” Her voice was almost a whisper. “I need to rest. You do too. Leave, son, and try to get some sleep.”

He wanted to protest, but what was the use of arguing with his dying mother? The least he could do would be to give her some peace in her, presumably, last hours. He squeezed her hand one last time before getting up and walking towards the huge doors of the chamber. 

_Everything felt so meaningless._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, we don't really know anything about Sozin's mother, we don't even know if she is alive during Sozin's teenage years, so I just made up my own story for her. And I thought that making Sozin care about his mother, would kinda humanize him in a way. Besides, I like sad stuff, so that's the direction I decided to go with her. I hope you liked it!


	3. Loss

The healer was still waiting outside the door, an older man, way over his fifties. Sozin vaguely remembered the times he used to treat some small wounds of his caused by training accidents, the man was much more youthful and energetic back then. Now he just looked tired. The Prince let his gaze linger around the halls, the Fire Lord gone already. He must have decided that there wasn’t anything to do.

“There must be something you can do!” Exclaimed the young Prince, causing the healer to jump slightly at the unexpected voice.

“I am so sorry, my Prince.” He said, his head facing the ground. “I’ve tried everything, but she is losing too much blood. I can’t stop the bleeding.”

 _Bleeding?_ “What was wrong with her?” He asked, confused. He had assumed that it was a disease or an infection. But judging by how pale and weak she looked, a bleeding made more sense.

“She is having a miscarriage, Your Highness.”

“A miscarriage?! I didn’t even know that she was – “ He trailed off, shocked that no one had told him. Did anyone even bother to inform him of anything in this palace anymore?!

“Your father and mother wished not to announce it while it was still too early. Unfortunately, your mother’s age caused some complications…”

“Some complications?! She is dying!” He yelled, clenching his fists at his sides. He had to focus on the anger in order to keep the sadness that was waiting for an opportunity to overcome him, at bay.

“I am sorry, Prince Sozin. I understand how sad you must be –“ Sozin cut him off, “You don’t understand anything!” He walked up to the healer, the man having to lean back into the wall to try and keep a distance between himself and the fuming Fire Prince. “You are not the one who is losing his mother because of some fool’s incompetence!” Sozib pushed him back by the shoulders, and then took a deep breath to calm himself down, as he realized that threatening or hurting the royal healer would not do any good to anyone, he had to stay away from him. So, with that thought, he turned his back to the healer, walking towards his room with even strides.

He slammed the door behind him, a rational side of him, of course, knew that it wasn’t the healer’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. But being angry was the only thing keeping him away from breaking down. He leaned his back on the door, looking up at the ceiling and taking deep breaths. He refused to cry. _Princes don’t cry,_ he reminded himself his father’s words that he had once said when he was just a small child. He was seven years old and had accidentally burnt his arm badly while playing with fire. He had ran to his father in tears. The Fire Lord had looked at him with a stern look, lifting up his chin with his hand and telling him to wipe away his tears, because princes wouldn’t cry. He remembered clearly how his father’s words, stern but not completely devoid of affection, filled his ears. _Princes don’t cry._ After that day, he had never cried, be it a burn caused by his training or a cut caused by falling down, or even one of those days that he would learn about all sorts of things during his studies and he would feel like he was never going to be able to memorize them all, and was going to disappoint his father by not being good enough for him.

He closed his eyes and placed his hands on his temples, taking a few deep breaths to clear his mind. After he was finally calmed down and was sure that he wouldn’t cry, he walked up to the chair where he had put his sleeping robes that he had taken off before he went to dinner, putting them on for the second time today, and climbed into his bed.

The soft silk didn’t provide any comfort this time around. He tossed and turned around the bed, waiting that ominous knock on the door that would mean the inevitable had happened. But it didn’t come, and as the hours went by, he grew more and more restless. Finally, when the first rays of the sun illuminated the sky, and started to fill the room with light between open curtains, he got dressed into something way less formal and left his room, going straight into the garden.

He felt a slight sense of relief as the fresh air and the rays of the newly risen sun hit his face. He took in a deep breath, the smell of familiar flowers of the garden filling his lungs. He started to walk towards the spot he would always practice with Roku, only to stop a few steps before it, in front of the targets that were made of a fire-proof material, specifically designed to practice firebending on. He had used them a lot, during his early training, before he was ready to train with an actual person. And even after that, his firebending master had made him practice on the targets a few times. They were perfect to practice your fire balls on. And perfect for taking out your anger, instead of blasting an actual person.

So that was what he did. He threw fire ball after fire ball at the unyielding targets, the fire not being able to turn them into ashes, just consuming them before eventually disappering.

He continued, without a break, his breathing getting uneven because of the effort he was spending. But he didn’t stop, he had to distract himself, and turning his frustration and sadness into balls of fire was exactly he needed. His fire was burning hotter and brighter than ever, but his form was sloppy and careless, no where to be found was his usual precision.

He must’ve been practicing for at least a few hours, judging by how much brighter it was outside now, when he heard a familiar voice behind him. “Sozin?”

He finally stopped, his arms falling to his sides, and turned to face his friend. He knew he looked quite disheveled, his hair messed up and an angry expression on his face. “Roku.” He replied simply.

“Are you okay?” His friend asked with a concerned voice, looking at Sozin and noticing how tired he was looking.

“No.” He sighed, walking up to the oak tree and sitting down. He leaned his head back on the trunk, closing his eyes. The sun was heating up his face, it was going to be a very hot day, judging by how bright the sun was even at such an early hour. _Or was it actually early? How long had he been practicing?_

“Do you… want to talk about it?” Roku asked reluctantly, afraid that his friend would snap, like he tended to do when people forced him to do or say something.

“No.”

Roku approached his friend slowly, sitting down next to him. “Okay...” He nodded slowly, and then he couldn’t help but add when realization dawned on him. “Does it have anything to do with what we talked about yesterday?” He asked, careful about not pushing him too much, since he was almost certain that this was the case.

“What?” Sozin blanked out for a second, opening his eyes to face Roku, confusion evident on his face. “ _Oh._ No, it’s not that.” He had already forgotten about that stupid topic. It seemed so unimportant now.

“Then what is it? You can talk to me, Sozin. You don’t have to bottle everything up.” He put a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

Sozin remained silent for a few minutes, turning his gaze towards the sky. “My mother is dying.” He said finally, it didn’t feel particularly good to say out loud, but still he felt like he had gotten a burden off his chest.

“Oh, Sozin. I am so sorry. I didn’t know.” Roku looked shocked, he didn’t know what to say, or do, so he just looked at the grass under his feet with a sad frown on his face.

“Don’t be. There was no way you could know.” He muttered in a dismissing tone, catching a glimpse of the look on his friend’s face as he took his eyes away from the sky. “Don’t pity me, Roku. I am fine.”

He obviously wasn’t, but he wasn’t going to admit that. He had to stay strong. He had never seen his father cry about anything, so why would he?

“No, you are not. And it is normal that you are not. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through.” He said in a soft voice, earning a scoff from his friend. Now that he looked at him up close, Sozin was really looking beyond being simply tired, from his bloodshot eyes to the bags under them. “Did you sleep at all last night?” Sozin just shook his head. _Of course he hadn’t._

A few minutes passed in silence as both of them tried to find something to say. Roku looking down at his hands while Sozin just looked into the distance, his eyes not particularly focused on anything. “You know you can cry, right?” Roku asked finally, assuming, rightly, that his friend tried to be strong all this time.

Sozin didn’t look at him. “I am not going to cry, Roku.” He muttered, keeping his gazed fixed on a single point. “Princes don’t cry.”

“Humans cry, Sozin. It is not something to be ashamed of, especially in a situation like this.” He squeezed his shoulder reasuringly once again.

 _Roku_ , always wise beyond his age, even though he comes off as goofy and fun for the most of the time. Maybe he was right, but Sozin wasn’t going to break down in front of anyone, even if that person was his best friend. If it had to be done, _which it didn’t,_ he tried to convince himself, he would do it in the comfort of his own room.

But before he could open his mouth to say anything, to protest, he saw one of the servants coming out of the gates of the palace, walking towards them from the distance, and he felt his heart sink in his chest.

“Your Highness,” the servant respectfully bowed in front of the Prince once he reached where Sozin and Roku were sitting, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground. “I am so sorry to say this to you, my Prince, but we’ve just lost your mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the third chapter, I hope you liked it. I've been updating pretty frequently, but that is because I had already written the first six chapters, after that, it will probably be once a week or something. Anyways, in this chapter we've seen the death of Sozin's mother, and the way I wrote him dealing with grief is actually really similar to mine, I tend to keep things bottled up and can't cry in front of anyone, I thought it could suit Sozin's personality so I just went with it. I also want to say that I appreciate all of you leaving kudos, thank you for reading my humble story! It would make me really happy if you would give me feedback by commenting as well!


	4. Grief

Sozin was glad he was sitting down, or else his legs would have given up. He knew it was inevitable since he had seen her yesterday, but hearing those words actually being said still hurt him in a way he thought he couldn’t be hurt.

“The Fire Lord wants to see you, Prince Sozin.” The servant spoke once more, still avoiding the Prince’s gaze. “He is in your mother’s chambers.”

Sozin just nodded, unsure that even if he were to speak, the words would come out of his mouth in a coherent way. So instead, he just waved his hand towards his direction to dismiss him. The servant quickly walked away after bowing his head in respect, not wanting to stay there more than he had to.

“Sozin – “

“Don't.” The Prince cut off his friend with a tremling voice. “Not now.”

Roku looked down, a sad look on his face. He really did feel for his friend. He couldn’t even imagine what would it feel like to lose his mother. The only thing he knew was, unlike Sozin, he would’ve turned into a sobbing mess by now, he even felt his eyes getting teary just now. He was amazed at how strong his friend was being, also wishing that he didn’t actually feel _obligated_ to act that way. He wanted to hug him, and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but he doubted that Sozin would appreciate that. So he had no choice but to sit there and just continue to support his friend silently.

Sozin tried to get up, but he just couldn't find the will to move. _No, this can’t be happening. My mother can’t be dead._ That was all he could think for the moment. He didn’t even feel like he could cry if he wanted to.

Once the initial shock passed, he finally managed to get up, holding onto the tree trunk to keep himself stable. He was feeling all the emotions at once, _shock, anger, grief, sadness, helplessness, disbelief_ , but he was also numb at the same time that he wasn't _able_ to express any of those emotions.

He carried himself back into the palace, putting one foot in front of the other. He didn’t even feel like he was walking, he couldn’t feel the ground under his feet. When he was back inside the palace, he held onto the walls of the hallway, in a desparate attempt to feel the coldness under his palm, legs shaking. There was a ringing in his ears, his vision not focused. He was doing his best to supress any emotion, but his body was betraying him.

He finally reached the hall with her mother's chamber at the end of it, and he knew he had to gather himself before he would turn around the corner. He couldn’t face anyone like this, especially his father. So he took a deep breath to steady himself, letting go of the wall. It took him a few seconds to find balance, but in the end, he at least managed to look like he wasn’t in complete shock.

The doors to the room were half open, two guards standing in front of it, looking at the tiles beneath their feet.

“We are so sorry for your loss, Prince Sozin.” One of them spoke, sounding genuinely sad at the untimely death of the Fire Lady.

Sozin didn’t respond.

His mother had always been loved by all of the people working in the palace. She was kind and gentle, but also fierce and determined when she needed to be. She had earned everyone's love and respect. It startled Sozin to think of his mother in past tense. He couldn’t believe that she was gone. It was as if he was going to open the door and was going to find his mother sitting on the bed, alive and well, with her usual gentle smile placed on her lips.

_Denial._ He shook his head slightly, he knew that it wasn’t possible. There wasn’t any need to dwell on dreams that could never become true, no matter how much you wished them to be.

He placed a still shaking hand on the handle, glad that the guards weren’t looking to see his incompetence at acting strong, and pushed the door slowly, the heavy door creaking because of that small movement.

It was even worse than he had imagined inside the room. The velvet drapes were closed shut, keeping the sunlight out, the healer was, once again, in the room, by the bed, not looking at his patient that he failed to heal. The Fire Lord was there as well, standing by the door with folded arms and an unreadable expression. He was looking at the floorboard with distant eyes. Sozin had never seen his father looking at the ground before. He couldn’t help but notice the hidden sadness in his eyes, that made him feel unexplainably relieved. If even his father was sad, maybe he wasn’t as weak as he feared to be.

He never had much of an idea about his parents’ relationship. It was an arranged marriage, he knew that much, but throughout the years, they had learned to respect, and maybe even to some degree, love each other. They never had any big fights, his mother would always balance out his father's hot headed nature with her own serene one, preventing him from lashing out, with a gentle touch of her hand on his shoulder. His mother had won the heart of his father just like she did with everyone in the palace. It was impossible to not like her. He would never know if they were actually _in love_ with each other, he didn’t think so, but they had managed to coexist really well with mutual understanding and respect.

He walked up to his father, standing next to him as the Fire Lord placed one hand on his son's shoulder. It was strange for his father to show physical affection towards him, he hadn’t done that since Sozin was a little kid, now it didn’t feel _right._ He felt the sudden urge to run out of the room as the air felt stifling, but managed to resist. Then he saw _her_ , and it was the worst part of the room.

_His mother, lying in bed, lifeless and cold_. He wanted to run up to her and hold her one last time, but of course he couldn’t do that, knowing how pathetic it would look. He tried to look away, but it felt like his gaze was glued onto his mother's empty body. He had thought that she looked like a corpse during his last visit, but he understood now that how wrong he was. A real corpse was so much different. The image was etched into his mind to never be deleted again. She was pale, almost translucent, head fallen back and limp as there was no life inside to keep it in place. Her eyes were sunken in and closed, lips parted slightly, but they were dry and chapped with no trace of redness in them. He had heard some people say that dead people looked like they were asleep. But they were wrong. His mother didn’t look asleep, she looked dead. _A lifeless, empty shell._

He was only able to pry off his eyes when the healer walked up to bed and pulled the red silk sheet over the corpse’s - _his mother’s,_ head.

He looked down, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall. _When had they appeared?_

He felt a squeeze in his shoulder, not reassuring but not threatening either. It was just there. He looked up to face his father, catching a glimpse of the deep buried grief in his amber eyes. “Do not cry, my son.” It was neither an order nor a consolation, just a statement. “Princes don’t cry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, another chapter is done! I know there aren't that many people who read it, but I really enjoy writing this, so I wont give up on this story any time soon lol. It kinda feels a bit personal to me as well, especially this chapter, as Sozin's feelings in the face of loss, really reflects my own. Anyways, I hope you are at least enjoying the story so far. I would appreciate knowing about your opinions. Thanks for reading!


	5. The Funeral

The funeral was well-attended as expected. Every noble in the fire nation, every servant and guard at the palace, and even most of the citizens had come to pay their respects to the beloved wife of their ruler, a huge red crowd. The common folk were located in the back, of course, far from the body.The only people that got to watch the funeral up close were the Fire Lord, his son, the Fire Sages, and some members of the court, and nobles that were particularly close to the royal family, including Roku. But Sozin didn’t look at him, eyes fixed on the body that used to be his mother. _Now it was just an empty shell._ Him and his father were standing right beside the body, dressed in white from head to toe.

He didn’t even hear the words of the speech about his mother, didn’t look away when the body was burned into ashes, he didn’t cry. _He couldn’t_ , in front of the whole nation. He was numb, didn’t think he could even move a muscle. So he just watched as the lifeless body kept burning. He preferred to think of it that way, _a lifeless body_. If he were to actually think of it as his mother, he wouldn’t be able to stand tall and strong in front of everybody, as he had to do. As the ceremony kept going on, he dug his nails into his palms, hands formed into fists at his sides. He needed to turn his pain into something physical. It was a sunny day, the sky was clear and a bright shade of blue, it felt _inappropriate._

Finally the funeral came to an end, and to Sozin, it felt like an eternity, in reality it had taken just over an hour. He had to stay there strong for a few more minutes before everyone went back to their own lives. Only Roku, and a few nobles who wanted to offer their condolences to the Fire Lord personally, remained. As soon as people started to not pay attention to Sozin, he slipped away with fast paced steps, not running in order to not be noticed.

He didn’t want to be back inside the palace. He couldn’t, not right now. _Not when every corner was filled with her memory_. Instead he walked towards the garden, as he always did, when he needed to think and be alone. No one would bother him there, but knowing that a servant or guard could appear anytime out of nowhere would be just enough of a motive to keep him away from crying. He just needed alone time, not useless tears that wouldn’t bring her back.

“Sozin, wait!” A voice called out from behind him. Roku. _Damn it._

He took a deep breath and turned around to see his friend running towards him. At least they weren’t in the hearing proximity of his father and the others. Still, this meant that he wasn’t going to be able to have his alone time that he desperately needed.

“What do you want, Roku?” He sounded slightly irritated.

“To talk to you.” He stated as if it was obvious. Maybe it was, _just not to him_. “You shouldn’t be alone right now.” He saw the look in his friend’s eyes and added, “I won’t speak, if you don’t want me to. I just want to be there for you, you clearly need it.” He had noticed how pale and exhausted Sozin was looking, he was keeping everything inside.

Sozin wanted to protest, to say that ‘ _you don’t have any idea about what I need’,_ but he was just so tired. “Fine. I am going out into the garden. You can come if you want.” He sighed, resigned.

When they reached the garden, he sat down under his usual tree without saying a word, as did Roku. They just sat there for who knows how long, Sozin just kept her gaze on the grass as he wrapped his arms around his legs.

Roku put a hand on his friends shoulder. “Do you need to cry?” He asked softly.

Sozin just shook his head, lying to his friend. He felt bad about it, he really did, but he didn’t want to admit how devastated his actually was.

“Sozin –“

“Roku, please…” He almost begged, not looking up to meet his gaze.

“Okay…” His friend nodded, deciding not to push him. He would talk, or cry, when he was ready.

“Thank you…” Sozin muttered. They sat silently for what felt like an hours, the tree providing some protection from the hot waves of the sun, as Sozin re-lived the events of the last few days in his head. _His mother, pale and weak. The red sheets against her white skin. Her sunken eyes, and lifeless body. The dark and dreary room, curtains closed. His father’s hand on his shoulder. The funeral. Fire. Ash._ This was all that was left of her now; _ash…_

At one point, he didn’t know when, tears had started to fall from his eyes. He only noticed it when he lifted his hand to his cheek. It was wet, he stared at it in disbelief. He wiped away at his cheeks quickly, but tears continued to flow from his eyes. He didn’t know how to stop them.

He looked at Roku, with shock in his eyes, almost expecting to see pity and humiliation in the ones of his friend. But all there was apparent, was an understanding look as he pulled the Prince into a hug, wrapping his arms comfortingly around him.

Sozin hugged him back, not having the strength to resist anymore, he let himself go. Soon, he was sobbing into his friends shoulder as Roku held him gently. “I-I don’t know what to do what to do without her…” His voice was coming out muffled, as he admitted what he couldn’t dare admitting even to himself. He and his mother always had a close relationship. He could be the crown prince of the Fire Nation, but he was still a teenager. He hadn’t been prepared to lose his mother that soon.

“It’s okay, Sozin. Things are only going to get better from now on…” He tried to console his friend, knowing that nothing he could say would make him feel better right now.

After about an hour, his sobs had finally calmed down. His eyes were swollen and red from all that crying, but he was feeling a lot better, like he had gotten a heavy weight off his chest. Maybe Roku was right all along. He didn’t need to be alone, he needed a _friend_ , a shoulder to cry on. He was starting to realize that now.

They sat there until the sun started to set, talking about their childhood, talking about the good memories Sozin shared with his mother. They sometimes laughed and sometimes cried. That afternoon was one of the first times he had actually let his guard down after a long time, and Roku knew that too. The boy in front of him wasn’t his guarded and secretive friend, it was a much more raw and sincere version of him. And for the first time in his life, Sozin didn’t feel weak or pathetic for crying. He felt _human_.

Still, when they separated their ways and Sozin returned back to the palace, they both knew that they would never talk of this day ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this was a relatively short chapter, but I felt like it was a nice closure to that part of Sozin's storyline with a bit of a character development. Will his character continue to develop for the better though? Most likely not lol. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please do state your opinions :)


	6. Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why it took me so long to post this chapter. It was already written by the time I posted the last chapter. But I kept putting off the editing part, and therefore, actually posting it. I kinda felt like maybe I was posting too frequently, and wanted to give it a little break. I actually have the next chapter written as well, I just have to edit it, and I can post it in a day or two. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!

The days continued to pass, it had almost been a week. Sozin didn’t cry again after that day in the garden with Roku, and even though none of them ever spoke of it, somehow that moment had made them grow even closer.

He was expected to return to his studies after the funeral, his father had given him a week to process everything, and it was far more generous than anything he had expected from the Fire Lord. Now it was time to show his father that he was, in fact, as strong as he was, to show him that he was able to gather himself together even after the loss of his mother, to make him proud.

So that was what he was trying to do, as he sat there leaned into a parchment with the political events of the Earth Kingdom was written on it. As the future Fire Lord, the history, the culture and the policies of his own nation, as well as the other three, were all things he had to learn, but it was just so incredibly boring. He would much rather practice fire bending forms outside, the lessons of which, thankfully, his father hadn’t postponed. At least, they had kept him distracted. On the other hand, he had not missed his politics and history lessons at all, no matter how much they would distract him.

“… and as I was saying, the Earth Kingdom--” His teacher stopped abruptly. “Prince Sozin?!”

“Y-Yes, Master Shuso?” He jumped up from where he was sitting when his teacher called out his name, realizing that he had completely tuned him out while he was lost in his thoughts.

“Focus, Prince Sozin.” He gave him a disapproving look. One of the only people who can scold the Fire Prince, by the orders of the Fire Lord, of course. “What was I talking about?”

“I – uh, Earth Kingdom…?” He made a lucky guess, feeling incredibly stupid and like a disappointment. _There goes making my father proud,_ he thought to himself.

The teacher sighed, narrowing his eyes. “Obviously, since it is the topic of today’s lesson. And what was the last sentence I said?”

“I--” He took a deep breath, hating every second of this conversation. “I don’t know…” He clenched his jaw, and looked down at the parchment to avoid his teacher’s smug gaze.

“You should pay attention! Your father orders you to be well-educated in these matters, and you are not listening to a single thing I say.” He approached his desk, towering over him. “I will have to have a conversation with the Fire Lord.”

With that, Sozin rose up from his chair, looking straight into his eyes. “Don’t bring him into this!” His fists were clenched with anger. _After all that shit that he went through, did he really have to deal with this arrogant man?!_

“I don’t take orders from you, young man.” He retorted, his eyes glinting with distant fury. “You may be the heir to the throne, but for me, you are just another student who thinks he can do whatever he wants. But you can’t. The Fire Lord specifically ordered me to do whatever’s necessary to make you learn and be disciplined.” He narrowed his eyes, looking even older with the newly appeared wrinkles. “Now, sit back down! Your disrespect won’t go unpunished. I’ll make sure to inform the Fire Lord myself about it.”

Sozin opened his mouth in an attempt to protest, but closed it again when the master shot him an angry look. He fell back onto this chair, grabbing his quill and dipping it into the ink with a little bit more force than necessary. _Who did this man think he was? Speaking to the Fire Prince like that?!_

“Now, take notes.” He ordered as he started to repeat what he was previously talking about. “The War of Chin the Conqueror marked the beginning of the Earth Kingdom’s decline…”

...

Finally when he left the study room after two hours, all he could think was that the torture was finally over. Well, not quite, he thought, as he remembered how much work that stupid man gave him for the next day. _Five parchments about the effects of the war on the Earth Kingdom?!_ Just the thought of it made Sozin want to set something on fire, _preferably his teacher._ He didn’t mind learning about the history of the Fire Nation, and could tolerate the other two, in fact, he was actually decent at them, but the Earth Kingdom politics was the most tedious, and his irritating teacher wasn’t helping at all. He would never find history interesting, or easy to memorize. He didn’t _care_ about the events of the past, especially about those of the other nations, they were so unimportant and boring. When he would become the Fire Lord, he was going to _make_ history, give all that people something worthwhile to study.

He walked straight into the garden, feeling like he would explode if he had to stay inside the walls of the palace for another moment. He rushed over to Roku, once he spotted his friend waiting for him in the garden, as usual.

“Roku. You can’t even imagine how glad I am happy to see you.” Sozin sighed in a completely exhausted tone.

“Rough times with your studies?” He asked, looking at Sozin with a slightly amused expression.

“You have no idea!” Sozin threw his hands in the air dramatically. “If I have to hear about _Chin the Conqueror_ ever again, I swear, I am going to vomit!”

He chuckled at his friend’s complaints, Sozin always had a love for the dramatics. “Well, if you are this exhausted, I guess we can just not practice --”

“No!” The Prince exclaimed. “No, no. I am going to die, if I just sit around for one more minute. I’ve done my sitting, now I need to _do something_.” He needed to take out his frustration and boredom with fire bending.

“Okay, okay. Calm down.” Roku laughed at his friend, taking his fighting stance. “Bring it on, then.”

Sozin smirked. “I won’t go easy on you this time.” 

“Please, like you ever did.” His friend retorted, as he barely dodged a fire ball that caught him off guard.

It was just so easy to forget about all the annoying things that happened that day, and other days, while he was practicing with Roku. So, when he heard an unexpected voice behind him, he lost his balance and fell down, Roku’s fire ball almost hitting him in the face, before Sozin managed to stop it at the last minute.

“Shit! Sozin I am so sorry.” Roku rushed over to his friend, who had already started to get up after a moment of shock.

“It’s fine.” He muttered, as he turned behind to locate the source of the voice that had startled him. And sure enough, it was one of the servants. “How dare you to interrupt my practice?! Sneaking up on me like that?!” He walked up to the servant with clenched fists, maybe he was overreacting, but what had just happened had felt _humiliating._

“Please accept my apologies, my Prince.” The man avoided looking him in the eye. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“ _Scare me?!_ Who do you think you are? You are just a lowly servant, you can’t scare me!” The stress of the past week and what happened today with Master Shuso had all piled up, causing him to snap at the poor man, taking his anger out on him.

“Sozin, don’t you think that’s a bit--” Roku stopped talking as his friend shot him an angry look. He really didn’t like the way Sozin treated the servants sometimes, but there wasn’t much he could do. It was better to not push Sozin, especially when he was angry.

“Of course, Your Highness.” The man’s voice was shaking, beads of sweat forming in his forehead. “I meant no disrespect.” He bowed in front of the Fire Prince to prove his point. “I came to tell you that the Fire Lord requests to speak to you, immedietly.”

“My father?” Sozin asked, more so to himself, as the servant shrieked in fear against another outburst. He was already on edge because of witnessing the Fire Lord’s fury a few minutes ago, he didn’t need to witness his son’s, too. “Yes, my Prince, your father. He is waiting for you in the throne room.”

“Fine. You may leave now.” He dismissed the servant, trying not to make his concern obvious, as the man bowed and left. _What did his father want? Was this about what had happened with Master Shuso?_ He hoped not, for the sake of everyone involved.

He muttered something along the lines of a dismissive _‘I’ll be back in a few minutes’_ to Roku, genuinely hoping that he would, and that this was all about an unimportant, irrelevant topic, as he walked back towards the palace with quick steps.

...

He took a deep breath as he arrived at the doors of the throne room. If someone would ask, he would never admit it, but he was actually scared about the topic of this conversation.

Two guards were standing outside the door. “The Fire Lord is expecting you, Prince Sozin.” Spoke one of them, as he pushed open the door for the Prince to enter.

The Fire Lord was walking up and down the room with angry strides, eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed behind his back. The downcast looks of everyone in the room showed that they had got a fair share of his fury, too.

He stopped in his tracks as his head turned towards the door, looking at his son with squinted eyes. “Sozin.” He said simply.

“Yes, father?” Sozin kept his voice calm and even, bowing his head in respect towards the Fire Lord. “You requested to talk to me?”

“Yes, I did.” The Fire Lord motioned him to come closer, to which Sozin reluctantly obliged. “I had a talk with Master Shuso today.” His voice was barely containing his anger, it sounded like he was forcing it to come out calm.

_Fuck. Of course that stupid man had told his father._ He stayed silent, in order to not give his father a reason to unleash his fury onto him, it clearly looked like he was looking for one.

“He told me that you were not paying attention, that you never did in his lessons but he had never said anything about it before.” His voice was gradually getting louder, though still considerably calm and controlled.

“What?!” Against his better judgement, the prince snapped. “He is lying! It was only for today, and it won’t happen again. I promise.” It was true that he didn’t particularly like the man’s boring lessons, but he had always tried to listen. Now that idiot was just trying to get him into trouble, just because he had spoken out against him today. “Besides, I am doing well in my other lessons, you can ask any of my teachers!” He tried in vain to get himself out of this situation.

“Silence!” He shouted, his control disappearing. “Are you calling your teacher a liar?!” Sozin just shook his head in defeat as his father continued. “Besides, doing _well_ is not enough for the future Fire Lord, Sozin. You have to know these things like the back of your hand if you want to rule this nation one day!”

“I told you it will never happen again! I will do better. What more do you want?!” He could feel the nervous stares of everyone in the room. _Why did he even need to learn about the history of other nations anyway?_

“Keep your voice down, Sozin!” The Fire Lord spoke through gritted teeth. “What I want is my own son stop embarrassing me!”

“I am embarrassing you?!” He blurted out in disbelief. “You are the one yelling at me in front of all these guards and servants!” His fear was left in the shadows by the anger rising inside his chest.

“That is enough! Know your place, son, or I will show it to you!” He roared, fire burning deep inside his eyes. He spoke again, after a moment of silence that was filled with the tense air of the room. “There is another thing, Master Shuso also told me that you had disrespected him. I found it hard to believe at first, but it seems to be clearly true, judging by your current attitude towards _me_!”

“I didn’t disrespect him!” Sozin was clenching his fists now. “He disrespected _me_. Who does he think he is to treat me like just one of his students, I am the Prince of the nation he lives in!” The things he didn’t mean to say out loud were spilling out of his mouth, with the blindness of anger.

“He got that order from me!” The Fire Lord yelled, the voice echoing in the silent room, it was as if the servants and guards were too scared to even breathe. Maybe they were. “Are you disapproving my decisions, Sozin?! Because everything he says and does, are things I ordered him to do!” He was fuming now, smoke coming out of his nostrils.

_Oh, how Sozin wished his mother was here now._ She would never let things get this far, she would manage to calm his father down. Ever since she died, his father’s temper was getting worse and worse everyday. But Sozin was just too furious to be scared right now. His anger was not something he was able to control very well, he assumed he got that from his father.

“Maybe if your decisions were better, then I wouldn’t--” His sentence was cut off by the sharp pain he felt in his cheek, as everyone in the room audibly gasped. He stumbled, his left ear was ringing and his cheek felt like it was on fire, even though it was not.

He lifted one hand to his cheek, feeling the tender and hot skin underneath his finger tips, as he looked at the Fire Lord with disbelief in his eyes. His father, _his own father,_ had just hit him, in front of everyone. He had never been a calm and affectionate man, he was always strict, but he had _never_ physically hurt Sozin before.

“ _Get out_.” The Fire Lord said, in a threateningly calm voice, like he hadn’t just striked his own son a couple seconds ago. He turned his back to him before facing the servants, “And you, go back to your jobs! Stop staring like a bunch of idiots, or I swear I willl do so much worse to you!” He yelled, as the servants looked down quickly, going back to do whatever it was that they were doing.

Sozin walked towards the door, keeping his head high despite the humiliation that came with the sting in his cheek. He refused to look shaken, as he felt everyone’s gaze on his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, a few things I want to mention:
> 
> The name of the teacher is taken from a name generator, specifically for Fire Nation names. I just chose what sounded good to me, from a bunch of names. I wasn't going to name him originally, but I felt like it was kind of unnatural to always refer to him as "the teacher". 
> 
> As for the education of royalty in Fire Nation, we know Azula went to Royal Fire Academy For Girls, with Mai and Ty Lee (if I am not mistaken). And if I remember correctly, it isn't stated where Zuko went, or if there is such an academy for boys, though I would assume that there is. Still, I decided to pretend like maybe it was founded later, or maybe Sozin was just "homeschooled" with private tutors and such. So yeah, there is that. 
> 
> Anyways, that was a long ass note, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I would always appreciate your comments! 
> 
> Oh and the timeline of the Royal Family is messing with my head. I am currently trying to map it out, and there are some inconsistencies that make it really hard to make sense of it. But I think I kinda managed it, if we dont get into how old Roku's wife, and their daughter must be when they give birth, for Ursa and Ozai to be roughly around the same age. So yeah, just wanted to share my struggle with you lol


	7. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had I said I would update in one or two days? Such bold lies, it's been more than a week and I only reread the chapter today to be able to post it. I am not gonna say life got in the way, cause it didn't. I was just feeling kind of tired for the entirety of the week, and kind of motivation-less, I guess. But now I am feeling a bit more energized, so there is that.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like it...

Sozin could feel the probing looks of the few guards in the halls, he presumed his cheek really did look as bad as it hurt. But he still kept a straight face, refusing to look down. He shot a furious look to one of them, the man immedietly looking at the floor, being quickly followed by the others.

He didn’t need _this_ , he didn’t want their pity, or their sympathy, or anything from them for the matter. He felt humiliated, being striked by his father with such intensity that it was most likely going to bruise. He knew that even if only a few people had witnessed the incident, the word was going to travel fast around the palace. He grimaced as he thought about the maids gossiping about it in the kitchen. _“Have you seen how badly the Fire Lord had hit his son today? If I were him I would not be able to leave my room.” “Oh, poor thing. He must be shocked.”_ Would they feel sorry for him? Would they laugh at him? Either way, he wasn’t going to let their opinion about him change. He was going to seem unphased, like this had never even happened. And if everyone else refused to act that way, he would _make_ them. He wasn’t a little boy who would cry because his daddy had scolded him.

When he finally arrived, he slammed the door of his room behind his back, the loud sound reverberating in the room. His anger, that was replaced with shock for a brief amount of time, had returned with full force, he wanted to punch and break things, or set them on fire.

He walked up and down in his rooms with angry strides, catching a glimpse of his face distorted with anger, in the mirror. He took a deep breath as he braced himself for what he would see on his reflection, and finally turning to face the mirror completely.

It _was_ bad. And it was _definitely_ going to bruise. He took a step closer to the mirror, turning to his left and pulling at his cheek slightly to examine the damage better. The skin was pink and sensitive, still hot under his fingertips, it had peeled off just a tiny bit, exposing the second layer of skin underneath. He could see the print of his father’s long and bony fingers, making it impossible to disguise it as just an accidental mark. _It was clearly a handprint._

 _Damn it!_ He punched the mirror in a moment of haze caused by his blinding fury, the glass shattering and cutting his hand in the process. A single drop of blood fell on the pieces of shattered glass on the dark hardwood floor of his room.

It made him feel better, taking out his anger on something. And with the mirror shattered, he didn’t have to see the reminder of his humiliation every moment of the day, before it would eventually disappear. With feeling slightly calmer, he was able to feel the pain in his hand. He looked down at it, inspecting the cut, luckily for him, it wasn’t deep, though it wouldn’t hurt to get it treated, he could do without it. On the other hand, applying ice to his cheek would probably for the best, since it would reduce the redness and the pain. But he would rather die than going and asking help from someone because of both the mark his father caused, and the wound that was self-inflicted. No, he couldn’t live with that humiliation, so just made his way to the bathroom to hold his bloody hand in the small water bowl, the blood surfacing and clouding the once clear water. And once he decided that it wasn’t bleeding anymore, he just wrapped it haphazardly with a piece of cloth he found around, to prevent a possible infection. And for his cheek, well, there wasn’t anything he could do except for just letting it be.

He was startled by an unexpected knock at the door. Whoever it was, he didn’t want to deal with them. “What do you want?!” He asked in an aggrevated voice.

“Prince Sozin, may I come in?” Came the hesitant voice of a maid behind the door.

“No!” He yelled, he wasn’t sure if she was one of the people present during the incident or if she had been told about it by anyone, but if not, he didn’t want to see the shock on her face that would soon enough give way to pity. “Say whatever you want to say and go!”

There was a moment of silence before the woman tried to find the right words to speak. “Your friend is waiting in the garden, Your Highness, for you.”

 _Fuck._ He had completely forgotten that he had told Roku he would be back in a minute. He couldn’t let Roku see him like this, he had already been too vulnerable with him. “Send him away.” He called out.

“But…” The maid trailed off as she hesitated. “But what do you want me to say to him?”

“I don’t care!” The Prince shouted. “Whatever the fuck you want! That I am busy, would be the most obvious answer, wouldn’t it? What, are you stupid enough to not think of that?!”

“I- I am s-sorry, my Prince.” The woman spoke with a trembling voice, the sound of her rushing footsteps reaching to Sozin, before they disappeared into the hallway.

He sighed, not knowing for how long he could avoid seeing Roku. Acting as nothing had happened in front of the servants and the guards was one thing, since they would already know but couldn’t dare to say anything, but staring Roku straight in the eye and pretending like it wasn’t his own father that had left that handprint on his cheek was something entirely different. Maybe he could tell him, through a servant, that he had extensive training and a lot of classes to compensate for the time he had lost in the last week. He didn’t want to lie to him, but what choice did he have?

As he looked outside the towering windows, he noticed that sun had already started to set, he would have to join his father for dinner soon, just the thought of having to face him and everyone else made him shudder. But he had to, else the people would think him weak, ashamed to show his face after the Fire Lord had hit him.

He was walking towards the closet to put on something less casual when he heard a knock on the door once more. _If it was that stupid maid again…_ “I thought I was very clear the first time!” He yelled behind the door.

“Forgive me for disturbing you, Prince Sozin.” A woman’s voice answered back, a different one this time, he noted. “I brought your food.”

“My… _food_?” Sozin asked, not able to hide the confused tone of his voice.

“Yes, Your Highness. Your father…” He heard her taking a deep breath. “Your father wishes not to see you at dinner tonight.”

He felt both relief and anger rush through him at the same hand. He was relieved because he didn’t have to face his father and feel the weird looks of everyone on him, but also angry, because his father had humiliated him even more by not wanting his son to eat with him, as if what he had already done wasn’t enough.

“Fine, enter.” He ordered as he pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to recollect his thoughts. He didn’t turn to look at her as she entered the room with a silver tray in her hands, though he heard the involuntary gasp that escaped her lips. He turned quickly, ready to snap at her, until he realized that the cause of her shock was the pieces of shattered glass on the ground.

“Should I… Should I send someone to clean that up, my Prince?” She asked quietly.

“Leave it for now.” He waved a hand towards her general direction. “And you can put the tray on the table there.”

She nodded as she complied, then stopping and turning towards him, but keeping her gaze fixed on the ground. “I also brought some ice.” Her voice became quieter as she continued. “It will reduce the redness and help with the pain…”

He turned to face her, his brows furrowed and jaw clenched. “Take your ice, and get the hell out of here!” He didn’t need anyone’s sympathy, he was fine. He was pleased to see that the pitying look on her face had quickly turned to dread.

“I… I am sorry, Prince Sozin. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.” Her voice trembled in fear as she spoke. “I—I just wanted to help….”

“I don’t need help!” He yelled, taking a step towards her. “Not yours, not anyone else’s!”

“O-Of course, my Prince…” Her lip trembled. “Please forgive me…”

He took a deep breath, deep down knowing that he was being unreasonably harsh to her, despite his blinding anger. “Just leave…” He sighed, sounding resigned. He didn’t look at her as she kindly bowed and walked out of the door with quick steps.

The next day went as he expected. Sitting at the same table as his father at breakfast, feeling the looks of the servants when they thought he didn’t see them, the smug and content look on his foolish teacher ‘s face when he saw the clear mark of a handprint on Sozin’s cheek… _How did he want to wipe that stupid grin off his face…_ The only thing good about that day was that he had managed to avoid Roku, ordering one of the servants to tell him he was busy.

 _The next day he wasn’t so lucky…_ He had just sent a servant to send Roku away, feeling bad for practically chasing his friend off, as he heard yet another knock on the door.

“What?” He called out, exasperated.

“Your friend is at the door with me and wants to see you.” She said in a quiet voice. “I am sorry, Your Highness, I told him you were busy and weren’t able to see anyone, but…” She trailed off.

“Why do all of you have to be so bad at your job!?!” He snapped. _Incompetent fools._ “Nevermind, I don’t want to know.” He sighed, he couldn’t bother with her right now, he had bigger problems. “I am sorry, Roku, but I have a busy schedule this week, just royal stuff, you know.” He lied, forcing his voice to come out calmer.

“Okay, but can’t you take a little break?” His friend asked with a suspicious tone. “You are clearly not doing anything right now. Just let me come in for a minute.”

“No, I am--” He looked around to find something he could use as an excuse to justify not letting him in. “I am, uh… doing homework.” _Worst excuse ever, you fucking genius._

“So?” He asked, confused. “Sozin what’s going on? I am coming in.” Sozin heard some shuffling outside, hearing the panicked voice of the maid, who knew she would face the Prince’s wrath later, telling Roku to not enter the room. But despite her protests, the door opened with a creak, giving Sozin just enough time to turn his back, facing away from it.

He heard the sound of Roku’s footsteps, and another creak as he closed the door behind his back.

“What’s happening?” He asked, his voice soft but still demanding an answer.

“Nothing! I told you, I have things to do.”

“I am not an idiot, Sozin, don’t treat me like one.” Roku sighed. “You just disappeared, ditching me two days in a row. I know that you have responsibilities as the crown prince, but I also know you. You would’ve come to say to me that you are busy, personally. Not send some servants to do it. And now you are just standing pointlessly here, claiming you are busy.”

He took a deep breath. His friend _did_ know him very well. It was one of the only times in his life that he was at a loss of words, he had completely blanked out, unable to think of a lie to get him out of this situation. He cursed himself for not having his hair down, maybe it would’ve hidden his cheek. “Sorry.” He muttered simply, not making any other explanation.

For the first time since he had entered the room, Roku noticed that his friend hadn’t faced him at all. “Sozin?” He asked quietly. “Look at me.”

The Prince’s body tensed up, but he refused to make any move to turn his face towards Roku. He felt Roku’s hand in his arm, and didn’t fight it when he turned him around to face him.

A small gasp came out of Roku’s lips, his eyes widening, Sozin keeping his gaze on his friend, he wasn’t going to turn his face away in shame. “What happened… ?” Roku asked with a barely audible voice, there was no denying that the mark looked like a hand.

“What do you think?!” He was slightly irritated. “Are you happy now?” He felt naked, standing in front of him, he wanted to cover up his cheek with his hand.

“No, of course I am not happy!” He replied, staying silent for a moment. “Did your father do that to you?” He finally asked in a soft voice.

Sozin neither confirmed nor denied that, Roku taking that as a yes. “I am so sorry, Sozin.”

“Don’t be. It’s fine. I don’t need pity.”

“What?! I am not pitying you.” He was shocked at his friend’s way of thinking. “Is that actually what you think? That people pity you because your father hit you?!”

Sozin cringed a bit at hearing the last sentence, but managed to keep a straight face, not responding.

“Sozin… Feeling bad for someone and wanting to help them is not pity.” He reached out and held his arm. “And getting help from someone else is not a bad thing either. It is not something to be ashamed of, and it doesn’t make you weak.” He stopped for a second. “You didn’t even do anything to treat it, did you?”

“It’s not necessary. It’s not that bad.” And it was the truth. He had way more painful training accidents, the thing that hurt him more was the humiliation that came with it.

“Maybe… But what if it was worse? Would you really just sit there in pain instead of swallowing your pride?”

“Yes, I would! Okay?!” He snapped, _why did Roku have to keep pushing him?_ “That is how I was raised, Roku! I am sorry I didn’t have a family who kissed away my pain as a child, everytime I got hurt! But guess what? It made me stronger, and I don’t plan on starting to be weak right now!” _Add a fight with his best friend to everything that was currently fucked up in his life._ He broke free of Roku’s grasp, walking towards the bed and sitting on it. He’d already had too many moments of weakness in the last week, he didn’t need another one.

Roku hesitated about what to say. He knew they were raised in different ways. For all his life, Sozin was trained to become the Fire Lord someday, strong and resilient. It would be suprising if all that pressure hadn’t warped his way of thinking.

“It’s not weakness, Sozin.” He said quietly and walked up to the bed, sitting next to him. “You need to learn when you should get help.”

Deep down, Sozin knew his friend was right. His pride had gotten into the way of accepting the genuine help of a maid, made him yell at her, and it had made him lie to his best friend, snap at him for sincerely trying to be nice. But still, he didn’t like admitting that even to himself. So he just continued to stare at his lap with empty eyes.

“Why did you keep avoiding me?” Roku asked after a minute or two. “You know I would never laugh at you for something like this, or ‘pity’ you, as you are worried that I would.”

“I know.” And he actually did, Roku was a great friend that sometimes he felt like he didn’t deserve his friendship _. He wasn’t even being honest with him for fuck’s sake_. Roku deserved better. “I… I was ashamed.” He admitted finally, feeling like he at least owed honesty to him.

“Ashamed?! Sozin, for what?” He was incredulous. “If there is someone who needs to be ashamed, it’s not you, it’s _him_ for doing this to you.” He put a reassuring hand on his friend’s shoulder.

It was all he had felt for the last two days. _Shame, humiliation, anger._ Hearing this from someone had actually made him feel a bit relieved, even though he didn’t know if his friend had really meant it, or just tried to comfort him. _No, Roku wouldn’t lie._ He was always sincere. _Just more reasons as to why you don’t deserve him. Why he will leave as soon as he will realize that. Why hadn’t he even left yet?_ “Thank you, Roku.” He looked at his friend and tried to give him a smile. “And I am sorry, for snapping at you.”

“It’s okay.” He spoke softly. “I will always be there for you. Now, you can tell me everything that happened, if it’s going to make you feel better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another thing I wanted to say is that, I can't belive this story got a bit over 500 views! Even though it might not seem like a lot to you, this is a milestone I didn't really expect to hit, because why would anyone read my story from hundreds of others? Now, I don't know how many of these are active readers, and how many just clicked once and never returned, but I appreciate every single person who read it, even deemed it worthy to leave a kudos, and even a comment! Thank you everyone!


	8. Birthday

The following few months passed as Sozin had expected them to, with him being constantly on edge around the Fire Lord, and his father’s temper getting worse and worse with each passing day, the outbursts of fury costing them a few of their servants and causing his father to grow weak and ill. He didn’t hit Sozin after that day, just an occasional threat here and there remaining just as threats, because Sozin now knew when to shut his mouth. It hurt his pride, _it really did,_ to be afraid of his father and what he might do if he angered him again, which was so easy to do nowadays. Still, he didn’t let it show, focusing on his studies and training to try and make him proud. As a response, he let Sozin be, taking his anger out on the poor guards and maids that were just at the wrong place at the wrong time, some getting away with small injuries, some getting banished, some, though very rare, meeting their untimely demise. It was incredible to realize how much a calming effect Sozin’s mother used to have on his father. With her being gone, everything had spiralled into madness.

It was just a normal day at the Royal Palace, an old maid had just gotten banished because she had dropped the breakfast tray, _on the Fire Lord’s robes,_ hot tea spilling and burning him. He had risen up from his seat with such fury in his eyes that the Prince was almost certain it was the end of the poor maid. Luckily for her, she had gotten away with a few burns, and the order to never return to the Capital again. Maybe she was better off away from here anyway.

Sozin had gotten away from the scene of the incident as soon as he could, afraid that the Fire Lord would come up with a random reason to direct his anger towards his son. Now he was just strolling around the garden outside of the palace with Roku, fresh air clearing his mind. He didn’t want to be in the palace at that moment. _Coward._ It didn’t affect him as much as it had at the beginning, he was used to this new attidute of his father's now. He would just have to act accordingly. _What a miserable way to live, walking on eggshells around your father, you coward._

The sun was bright in the sky, burning hotter with every passing moment, it was approaching noon. Summer was right around the corner, the heat was only going to increase from now on.

At least, chatting with Roku provided Sozin enough distraction from the heat, which was not a very pleasant thing, even for a firebender, while wearing heavy royal robes. It was also a welcome distraction from all the other things that had happened. They had been friends for such a long time that talking with Roku always made him feel at ease, even though Roku tended to do most of the talking in general.

“Do you remember how we met?” The Prince asked, looking at his friend, who was probably as bothered by the heat as he was. At least his clothes were more suitable for a heatwave.

“Of course.” Roku replied with a small chuckle. “To be fair, it is not the easiest memory to forget.”

…

 _The young Prince stood in front of the crowd, between his mother and the Fire Lord, whose hand was resting on his son’s shoulder. The six year old boy looked at all those people who had gathered here to celebrate the birthday of the Fire Nation’s Crown Prince,_ his _birthday._

 _He loved his birthdays, and all the presents and celebration that came with it, loved the air of festivity around the palace. The only boring part was standing in front of the crowd for a long amount of time, as people, nobles to be exact, offered their congratulations to the Fire Lord, and the young Fire Prince. The attention was nice, of course, but generally it would be more directed at the Fire Lord, with people wanting to gain his favor, stealing the Prince’s spotlight and his father’s attention on_ his _birthday. So when one of the noble families of the Fire Nation approached the stairs they were standing on, he braced himself for another boring conversation that he most likely wasn’t going to be a part of._

_He had seen the woman around before, her and his mother got along really well, sometimes spending time together for an afternoon tea or a stroll around the garden. What Sozin wasn’t expecting to see though, was a young boy, seeming to be around his own age, hiding behing his mother’s skirt. He didn’t know the woman had a child._

_“Come on, dear, don’t hide.” The woman spoke softly to her son, trying to pry off his hands from her dress. “Show the Royal Family respect, and wish the Prince happy birthday.”_

_The small boy finally let go and bowed respectfully in front of the Royal Family, as did his parents. “H-Happy Birthday, Prince Sozin.” He whispered in a shaky voice, it was clear that he was nervous._

_“Thanks.” He smiled genuinely at the boy, it was nice to see someone around his age. Many parents didn’t bring their kids to any celebration, fearing that they might cause a scene. Of course the Fire Lord wouldn’t like that. Everyone wanted to please his dad._

_The boy just stood there, not knowing what to do as his parents were having a polite conversation with the Fire Lord and Lady. Sozin took this opportunity to try and cure his boredom a little. He turned towards the boy. “What’s your name?” He asked._

_“Roku, my Prince.” He said quietly, clearly talking with the politeness his parents told him to do._

_“Hi, Roku.” He gave the boy a small smile. “And just call me Sozin.” He was only six years old, he didn’t understand why all these formalities were necessary._

_“Okay, Sozin.” Roku smiled as well, seeming like his nervousness had disappeared a little, though still reluctant about how he should act around a member of the Royal Family._

_“I haven’t seen you before.” Sozin remarked._

_“It’s my first time joining your birthday party.” Roku said quietly. “My parents decided that I was old enough.” Something in his tone saying that he felt like he wasn’t old enough himself._

_“How old are you?” Sozin asked curiously. Roku was just a little taller than him._

_“Six.”_

_“Oh, we are the same age!” Sozin exclaimed joyfully, he had finally someone his age to hang out with. As a little child, the palace tended to get a tiny bit lonely. Even with all the people around._ Especially with all the people around.

_“Actually, today is my birthday as well.” Roku said timidly, unsure about how the Prince would react._

_“Really?” Sozin was actually surprised by this coincidence. “Maybe we should celebrate together, then!” It could be fun to have someone to celebrate his birthday with, besides, waiting while his mother and father had their boring conversations would get more fun._

_“I’d love that.” Roku’s eyes lit up, he hadn’t expected to get along so well with the Fire Prince, but he seemed genuinely nice. Then his eyes faced the ground, looking a bit unsure. “But what would your family say?”_

_“Don’t worry about them.” Sozin waved his hand. “It’s my birthday, I can convince them to do whatever I want. Besides, our families already seem to really like each other.”_

…

“You were just too nervous.” Sozin snorted, elbowing him in the arm. “If I remember correctly, you were actually shaking.”

“Well, in my defence, I was a six year old kid, meeting royalty for the first time.”

“Was I as scary as you had thought?” Sozin grinned, continuing to tease his friend.

“Not at all. You are way scarier now.” Roku responded with a laugh.

The Fire Prince laughed as well, followed by a few moments of silence. “I can’t believe it’s been almost ten years.” He finally spoke again.

“And there will be many more ten years. Don’t think you can get rid of me that easily.”

“Please, like I ever could. Honestly, it is probably a matter of time you get rid of me, marrying Ta Min and forgetting all about me.” Sozin taunted, even though he was joking, the idea of losing his best friend was worrying to him, so he just hid it behind humor.

“You know that’s not going to happen.” Roku rolled his eyes.

“Which one?” Sozin probed.

“Both.”

“Oh, come on, she likes you, you like her. It’s pretty much inevitable.” Sozin watched as his friend’s face turn bright red.

“How can you be so certain that she likes me?” He asked, avoiding eye contact.

“Have you ever looked at her?” Sozin rolled his eyes. “Of course you didn’t. You were too busy hiding behind my back.” He laughed, messing with his friend.

“I wasn’t hiding!” Roku protested, getting defensive.

“If you say so…” Sozin replied sarcastically, deciding to prove his point with a small prank. He looked behind Roku’s shoulder, pretending like he spotted someone and then turned to Roku, speaking in a rushed voice. “Roku, don't give it away, but Ta Min is walking towards here!” He bit the inside of his cheek to not burst into laughter.

“Oh, no!” Roku’s face became even brighter, as he hid himself behind Sozin as he grabbed his arm, burying his face away.

“See my point?” The Prince asked with a laugh. Wondering how Roku could possibly fall for that? Love was really blind, as people said.

“Okay okay, you might be right.” Roku admitted grumpily, giving up and letting go of Sozin’s arm.

“Honestly, Roku. Go talk to her. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Rejection and mortification?” Roku suggested.

“And you say _I am_ dramatic.” Sozin rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Whatever.” Roku wanted to change the subject as fast as he could, his cheeks were still hot from all this embarassment. So he suggested the first thing he came up with that could possibly distract Sozin. “Let’s get some fire bending practice.”

“Fine.” Sozin chuckled at his friend’s desparate attempt to divert his attention, but letting him have this one. “But I won’t let you get away. We will return to this conversation later.”

He took off his heavy robes and took his fighting stance, as did Roku. Soon enough, both friends were sending waves, balls and blasts of fire at each other. Roku seemed to have improved quite a bit during the last few months. But when he backed away slowly, he failed to notice the tree root behind him, this not being their usual training place, he was unfamiliar with the area. So when he stumbled backwards, tripping onto the tree root, he was sure he was going to fall.

Sozin caught his friend by the collar of his top, preventing him from falling down. He held his fist to Roku’s face, acting like he was going to shoot fire out of it. But instead, he lowered it down with a chuckle and as he let his friend go, Roku falling straight onto the ground with Sozin’s grip being gone.

“Looks like I win again Roku.” He said jokingly.

“Are you kidding? The tree root did all the work.” Roku protested from where he was laying on the ground. “I would have won if I hadn’t fallen down.”

“Not my problem.” Sozin shrugged with a smile on the corners of his lips. “You should be more aware of your environment. That’s one of the first things that they teach us.”

He helped his friend to get up and they walked towards the gates of the garden together.

Roku froze in his place as he saw Ta Min walking past them, returning to the reality only when Sozin elbowed him in the stomach.

“Say something to her.” The Prince urged with a quiet voice, his friend’s cheeks red from blushing.

In a moment of courage, Roku walked forward, raising on arm as he was about to greet her, but she didn’t see him, continuing to walk away.

Roku let himself fall to the ground on his back, closing his eyes. “I am hopeless.” He muttered.

Sozin sat down, cross-legged, next to Roku, ripping up pieces of grass and sprinkling them down on his face as he laughed. “Yes, unfortunately you are.”

“What am I going to do?” Roku lamented, still not getting up from the ground.

The Prince didn’t reply. He thought that love was stupid, it caused people to make a fool of themselves. _Look what it does to Roku._ Even though he was a little bitter about the fact that he was not going to be able to choose a wife for himself, he was also glad that he wasn’t going to marry for love. He didn’t need a weakness that people could target once he would become the Fire Lord.

Still, when he looked at Roku and saw him both happy and sad at the same time, he couldn’t help but wonder if love was really a bad thing.

...

A few weeks later, it was their birthday. Sozin woke up in the morning, a few servants soon coming to get him ready for the celebration, styling his hair in a neatly tied bun and helping him into his ceremonial robes. He had to look pristine when he was standing in front of the public.

Roku arrived shortly after as well, looking less decorated than Sozin, but still fancier than usual.

Sozin felt a small pang in his chest when he realized that this was the first birthday he was going to spend without his mother. And as if that wasn’t enough, his father wasn’t there either. The Fire Lord rarely left his room or the throne room nowadays, that included not being there on his only son’s birthday. He was growing weaker everyday, and Sozin couldn’t help but think if he was approaching his end. Losing his mother and father in the same year would be too much, despite his father’s recent behavior. _He was still his father._

The young Prince and Roku walked out towards the crowd that was waiting them, slowly going down the steps. The stage felt empty and alone to Sozin, at least his friend was there.

Just as he was thinking that, Roku spotted Ta Min in the middle of the crowd, blushing intensely as he lost his balance and stumbled forwards on the steps. Sozin caught him by the arm just as he was about to fall face down on the ground. Roku chuckled nervously at his own clumsiness, as Sozin laughed.

Suddenly, the Fire Sages entered the garden through the gates, approaching the stairs Roku and Sozin were standing on.

A worried expression settled on to the Fire Prince’s face as a single thought crossed his mind. “Did something happen to my father?” He asked as he took a few quick steps towards the Sages. _Surely, it couldn’t have been, right?_ He was fine just yesterday.

“No, Prince Sozin.” The one in the front spoke. “We are not here for you.” _Then why were they here? On_ his _birthday?_

“We are here to reveal the identity of the next Avatar.”

Sozin and Roku’s jaws dropped in suprise, along with everyone else in the crowd. _The Avatar?_ This meant that somewhere in the Fire Nation, wherever that place might be, was the the Avatar’s 16th birthday as well. _Strange coincidence indeed._

He looked at the Fire Sages with expectancy, wondering who could it be. Was it a noble? Child of a maid or a worker? Or someone from the streets? _Could it be someone he knew even?_

“It is our honor to serve you,” The Fire Sage spoke again, him and all the other sages bowing, foreheads touching the ground in front of the Prince and his friend.

“Avatar Roku.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know why it took me this long to post this chapter since it was already written. I keep writing new chapters, and I am putting off editing the older ones. But it is finally done now, and I hope you like it! I was kind of on the fence about how to write the already existing scenes that were also in the show. I knew I wanted to keep them as is, but didn't want to copy them directly either. So I just decided to add more dialogues of my own in between, without really changing the original ones a lot. I think it works quite fine, and that's probably how I'll end up writing the pre-existing scenes in the next chapters, which are actually not a lot. I hope that's fine,you can let me know what you think.
> 
> Also, writing about how Roku and Sozin met, wasn't something I planned, but it just sort of happened and I kind of like it, since I don't think it was explicitly stated in the show and it is fun to imagine. Writing children is super tricky though, I can't help but feel they sound too grown up. Obviously, the parts other than the dialogues were written from the same third person perspective that I write all my chapters in, but even only the dialogues proved to be hard. I need to practice more about writing children, I guess.
> 
> This was a really long note, thanks to everyone who read it!


	9. The Avatar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don't know what took me almost 2 weeks to post this chapter. I was feeling incredibly unmotivated to do any editing or to write. Every time I turned on my computer, I just stared at the screen before closing it back. But now, I think I got over it, and I still have many ideas for the story. It has just been a tiring week, and now I am back with a new chapter, that hopefully you've been waiting for. Enjoy!

Sozin stood there in complete shock and disbelief. His friend was the Avatar? _Roku_ was _the Avatar?_ The same Roku that he knew for almost his entire life, the Roku who can't even form a coherent sentence around the girl he liked, the Roku that gets bested by a tree root, was _the Avatar?_

He looked around to realize that everyone in the crowd had bowed in front of the new Avatar, except for him. Quickly, the Prince gathered his composure, and kneeled down in front of his friend as well, keeping his head low on the ground.

For their entire lives, even though they were friends, Sozin had always been Roku's superior, being the Crown Prince of their nation. But now he was bowing in front of him, something he had never asked of Roku to do. And it felt strange, thinking his friend being superior to him. _Was that what Roku had always felt?_

He was used to being the most important person in the room, after the Fire Lord himself. But now, everyone was showing their respects to Roku, it was him who they wanted to see, not Sozin. Even though he didn’t like to admit it, he couldn’t help but feel some jealousy deep down. But he quickly pushed the thought away, Roku wouldn’t have gotten jealous if Sozin had turned out to be the Avatar. Then he wouldn’t either, his friend deserved at least that much.

Roku was just standing there, frozen in his place, still not being able to believe that this was actually happening. He couldn’t have been the Avatar. He was just Roku. Not _Avatar_ Roku. But the crowd in front of him, which also included his best friend for many years, said otherwise. The future Fire Lord was bowing in front of him. Even though being friends with the royalty caused him to constantly be in front of the public, he still felt uncomfortable being the sole center of attention. When he was with Sozin in public, he was just a shadow next to the Fire Prince, someone standing near the one they wanted to see. But in that moment, it wasn’t like that at all. It was as if people had forgotten that this was the Crown Prince's birthday. He wondered how Sozin handled being the focus of the crowd everyday, to Roku it was just embarrassing, men and women, old enough to be his parents, even grandparents, were bowing down in front of a sixteen year old boy.

He wasn’t even sure if he had what it took to be the Avatar, if he could handle such a big responsibility. He was just a teenager dealing with normal problems just yesterday, now he had learned that he was going to turn out to be the most powerful bender ever, who was tasked to keep the world in balance. He wasn’t even able to beat Sozin at firebending, how was he supposed to master all four elements?!

If it was something he could refuse, he thought that he actually would, passing down the opportunity to someone more competent, more willing, more talented… But there was no way he could change this, it had long been determined, and he just had to accept that, however hard that would be.

…

They barely talked during the celebration, an air of awkwardness hanging between them, as both of them could feel how people were looking at Roku, observing him with curious eyes as they were whispering into each other’s ears.

After everyone left, Roku sat down on the steps, trying to think rationally about this whole thing. Sozin sat down next to his friend, but kept quiet, not knowing what to say. What would be the appropriate thing to say? _Congratulations?_ It was hardly and achievement. _I am happy for you?_ It didn’t feel right to say for some reason, as the Prince debated over the fact that if he was really happy or not.

“I can’t believe it.” He finally decided on the truth, it had been a shock for both of them.

“You are saying that to me?” Roku snorted, taking his head into his hands. “I am really nervous about this.”

“Don't be. You are going to be a great Avatar.” Sozin put a reassuring hand over his friend's shoulder. “Much better than those other Avatars before you that we had to learn for our boring history lessons. One day, the history books will talk highly of our great achievements. Can you imagine? _The Avatar and the Fire Lord!”_ He elbowed him playfully, faking happiness was the least he could do for his friend, especially when he seemed to be so gloomy.

Roku wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted for himself, being remembered for his great achievements. For his good deeds, maybe. But greatness had never been something he had sought. He would much rather have a simple and happy life, surrounded by the people he loved. But he didn't say any of that out loud, realizing that how ungrateful he would sound. He had something most people would be delighted to have; power, recognition, respect of the people… And he was feeling an immense guilt for not wanting any of them.

He decided to play along, to try and get his mind off of things. “And what would be those great achievements of ours?” He asked, lifting up his head to face his friend.

“World domination.” Sozin said simply, looking at Roku's shocked face with a serious look on his own.

“What?” Roku asked, dumbfounded, before Sozin bursted into laughter, not being able to hold himself any longer.

“Oh, the look on your face, Roku! You must have seen it. I was kidding, obviously!”

“Oh. Yeah, right.” Roku chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling incredibly awkward and stupid.

“But we could totally do that if we wanted to.” Sozin winked as Roku hit him on the arm. “Yeah, okay have your fun.” He rolled his eyes, a sarcastic tone in his voice. “But if you decide to take over the world, know that I won’t help you do it.”

“Fine, I’ll do it on my own then.” He joked as he chuckled, causing Roku to do the same, even though he tried to keep a serious face at first. He was feeling slightly better now as well. Sozin had managed to cheer him up, even if just a little bit.

“Honestly, though, all jokes aside,” Roku spoke again after their chuckles ceased. “I am kind of terrified.”

“Oh come on. What’s there to be terrified about?” He didn’t really understand Roku’s reluctance, if he was the Avatar, he would be ecstatic about it. “You are going to be the most powerful bender in the world!”

“What if I don’t want to be?” Roku murmured quietly. “I love my life here. I love the Fire Nation, I don’t want to leave people I care about.”

“ _Leave?”_ Sozin asked curiously. “Why would you have to leave them?”

“You know, I’ll probably have to be away for years to try and master the elements. And even then, I don’t know when, or if I ever be able to return home. The Avatar must have many duties...”

Sozin just stared as realization hit him, Roku would have to leave for an indefinite amount of time. He always knew that the day Roku would leave him would come, but he had never guessed that it would be under these circumstances. He had always assumed that he would get married and leave to start his own family, never would he have guessed that he would leave to master the elements as the _Avatar_.

“Well, look on the bright side.” The Prince said to cheer his friend up, as Roku had always done for him. “With you being the Avatar now, Ta Min will be all over you!”

“ _Ha ha_ , very funny.” His friend rolled his eyes. “If she doesn’t find anyone else before I return.”

Sozin frowned, he was not used to Roku being so negative. And it irritated him a little, he was going to be powerful, he had everyone’s respect, he was important, he was _someone_ , what more did he want? He had all the power in the world and he was worried about a stupid girl getting married to someone else? He doubted that he would ever understand Roku.

“You know what, I thought you would be more happy about this.” He said finally.

“I don’t know how I feel...” Roku sighed. “I am not exactly sad, but I am not happy either. It is what it is.”

“Come on, I bet you will be totally ecstatic when you start to learn all the other elements and be the most powerful bender alive! What you are saying will totally sound ridiculous then.”

“Maybe...” He said quietly. “But I don’t seek power, Sozin. I was fine with just being a firebender, not even a great one. A mediocre one would suffice.”

The Prince sighed. “Okay, I’ll play along then. Let’s look at this from your perspective. You’ll meet lots of new people, learn lots of new things, see all kinds of different cultures. Does that sound better?”

“It does, actually.” The young Avatar tried to smile a little. “Thanks.” He was aware that Sozin was trying his best, he couldn’t help but wonder what _he_ was thinking about this.

“Sure anytime. Just stop being a pussy and try to enjoy this a little.” He playfully hit his friend’s arm. “This is an opportunity only one person could have!”

Roku nodded as he smiled, starting to feel a little better. This was just the initial shock, he would get used to the idea. At least he hoped he would. And who knows, _maybe it would be fun?_

After a long pause, passed with thoughtful silence, Roku spoke again. “So... what do _you_ think about this?”

“What do you mean? What’s there for me to think? You are the Avatar. Simple as that.”

“Come on, I thought you wouldn’t lie to me anymore. We both know that it is not _as simple as that_. It’s just been announced that your best friend is the Avatar, you must at least _feel_ something about this.”

“What do you want me to say? It’s great, amazing, wonderful.” He said in a voice that didn’t match his choice of words. He didn’t bother to speak with the fake enthusiastic tone when he had tried to cheer up his friend, knowing that it would most likely sound fake. “Honestly, Roku, worry about yourself. Don’t be so selfless all the time. What I feel doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” Roku protested. “And it’s not like I can just stop being the Avatar if you don’t like it. So just tell me, what either of us feel won’t change anything anyway.”

Sozin sighed, not wanting to admit the slight jealousy he was feeling. His friend would probably laugh, he was already the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, he didn’t need to be the Avatar too. And what kind of a friend would he look like, if he envied something Roku had no control over? And it wasn’t that he was jealous of him being the Avatar, he was jealous that Roku would get all the attention when they were together. Truly a terrible friend...

“I am happy for you.” He said finally, adding a smile to enforce the effect of the words. “Though I can’t say that I won’t miss messing with you while you are gone.” This was the closest thing he could say to _“I’ll miss you”._ And that was true, he would miss him. _How could he not?_ They used to spend almost everyday together for the last ten years. His absence was going to be jarring. Sozin hoped that this piece of the truth would be enough to deter him from the fact that he wasn’t telling the whole of it, admitting his envy over something his friend didn’t even want sounded unbelievably selfish even to his own ears.

And it worked. “I will miss you too.”

“Okay, enough with the mushy stuff, let’s get going.” Sozin got up after a few moments of silence, dusting off his robes with his hands before he turned to his friend with a teasing look on his face. “ _Avatar Roku_.”

Roku rolled his eyes, getting up as he chuckled. “As you wish, _Prince Sozin_.”

They both laughed and for a moment, everything was like how it used to be. _None of them knew that nothing would ever be the same…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I hope you liked the chapter. Even though I usually write from Sozin's perspective, for this chapter, I thought it was fitting to add Roku's thoughts as well. I made him to be not super excited about being the Avatar, because in the show, though not specifically stated, he seemed kind of down to me. That's why I chose to write it that way, I hope you like it! Let me know what you think :)
> 
> By the way, I am realizing that this story will be longer than I anticipated, so I want to know your opinions about whether I should divide it into different stories for each Fire Lord, turning it into a series instead of a very long fanfiction. I am not really sure about what to do, since I don't know where to cut the one's story for the other to start etc. So I would really appreciate your input as well. Thanks for reading!


	10. Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. I am sorry I couldn't update in the last... month, probably. Honestly, the last two weeks had been kind of hectic. I had exams all throughout the week, and I don't know why I decided to write this story at such a busy year as my senior year, but I don't regret it. And the week before that, I was working on another story which required me to post a one-shot every day of the week, so that was kind of draining. Now that everything is over though, I can probably go back to updating once a week. And I am sorry that this chapter isn't really that action packed after such a long wait, but it felt like a necessary chapter to write. It is probably the longest chapter I've written, and I considered splitting it, but it didn't make sense to me to do it. So there you go, at least I am able to give you a two chapter long chapter after a month of no updates.
> 
> After that long ass note, because I apparently don't know how to shut up, let's get on with the story!

As soon as Sozin stepped foot into the palace, he was stopped by one of the guards. “The Fire Lord wishes to see you, Prince Sozin.” The man spoke, and it was clear from his tone that the _wish_ was actually a _command._ “He is in the throne room.”

Sozin sighed, having a vague idea about what his father wanted to say. _And it most certainly wasn’t about his son’s birthday_. “Fine.” He muttered as he walked towards the room behind the guard.

The room was empty besides the two guards, sunlight entering through the tall windows, dancing on the throne made of gold. The Fire Lord was sitting on top of it, a magnificent golden figure of a dragon behind him. He wasn’t looking sick and bored as usual, there was a glint in his eyes. _Sozin didn’t like that at all._

“Father.” Sozin bowed, his forehead touching the carpeted ground. One of the stupid rules his father had imposed on him in the last few months. _If you can’t be respectful, you will show it by bowing down like the rest of my subjects._ It was degrading, to be treated like other people as the Prince, and his father knew it very well.

“The Fire Sages informed me about the identity of the Avatar.” The Fire Lord said simply, without even congratulating his son’s birthday.

 _Of course they did._ Sozin knew that his father would have one or two things to say about this. “Yes, father.” He said, lifting his head from the ground, still on his knees.

“Have you thought about how can you benefit from it?”

“No, father.” The Prince kept his gaze on the ground, he didn’t want to think about benefiting from his friend.

“Foolish child.” The Fire Lord muttered under his breath. “Having the Avatar’s support can open many doors, Sozin. With him by your side, no one will even think to doubt about the righteousness of your decisions, decisions that normally might not be as beneficial to them as they are to you. People’s respect for the Avatar runs deeper than their respect and fear for any earthly ruler. Make sure that your _friend_ is on your side. If the Avatar is with you, you can justify even the most heinous things.” His voice sounded tired, but there was a hidden enthusiasm underneath, it was as if something buried deep inside him had been awakened, something sinister. “After years of friendship, he should not be too hard to manipulate.”

With that Sozin lifted up his gaze to look at the Fire Lord. “ _Manipulate?_ Are you saying that I have to manipulate my best friend?! Forget it.” He got up to his feet.

“Sit down.” The Fire Lord commanded, his voice was a warning, but Sozin didn’t obey. “I am not saying that you must. But it would be wise for you to, if you happen to disagree on... _certain topics_. But I guess, it is too much to ask, for you to be wise. If you were, you would not speak to me with that tone, _son_.”

“I mean no disrespect, _father_.” Sozin muttered, not bothering to hide the fact that he was clearly angry. “But it is none of your concern how I treat my friends. I am not going to use him!”

“Fine, then be ready to face the possible consequences! You will understand one day, Sozin, that friendships do not last a lifetime.” He looked away from his son, hands clenched into fists on the arm rests of his throne. “Now get out of my sight before I do something I will regret!”

 _Like you could ever regret anything_ , Sozin thought, but did as he was told, walking towards the gates with irritated strides.

 _His father was fucking crazy. Did he really think that he would actually manipulate Roku?_ Of course he wouldn’t. He understood what having the Avatar’s support would mean, as well as his father did. But he didn’t have to lie or trick his friend. He couldn’t. Besides, he was sure that Roku would support his decisions no matter what. They would never be against each other. If their friendship were to end, which Sozin hoped it wouldn’t, it would be because their duties and lives would get in the way and they would grow apart. It wouldn’t be because one of them didn’t support another’s decision. They were always on the same side, _right?_ Sozin shook his head. _Of course we are._ He cursed his father for even placing that small shred of doubt inside his mind.

 _Today has been crazy_ , he thought to himself as he made his way towards his room. He needed some time to digest everything that had happened today.

...

He didn’t tell Roku what he talked about with his father, his friend had enough worries on his own already. He was due to leave in two weeks, and Sozin was barely able to see him anymore. It felt strange, not seeing someone he had seen almost everyday for the last ten years. But he had to get used to it.

Roku was spending most of his time training. They wanted him to try and master fire bending, before he left to learn all the other elements. It wasn’t as fun as training with Sozin, his master was strict, and expected only perfection from the Avatar. He had to admit, the extensive training actually helped him to improve more than he ever had in the last few months. His flames were larger and brighter than they ever were, his forms more balanced and precise. Still, that didn’t mean he looked forward to his firebending lessons everyday.

Finally, the day before Roku’s departure from the Fire Nation to the Southern Air Temple, he was left free to do whatever he wanted. Saying goodbye to family and friends, taking care of some last minute arrangements, and most importantly, having some time to relax and do nothing at all.

His bittersweet feelings about leaving, quickly turned into sadness when the Fire Sages came in the morning and told Roku, who was packing up his stuff for the journey, that he required no earthly possessions.

He sighed, removing all the stuff he had packed from his bag, after the Sages left. He sat alone on his room, staring at the wall. He hadn’t thought that he wouldn’t be allowed to take his stuff with him. Nothing to remind him of his home, nothing to remind him of his family, while he would be away for... _How long would he be away? Months? Years? How much would have been changed when he returned?_

So lost in thought, he didn’t notice Sozin standing in the doorway, observing him. The young Prince had come to visit and say goodbye to his friend before he left. _The earlier the better_ , he had thought as he was hoping that way they would be able to spend the day together once last time, after weeks of being separate. He was expecting Roku to be feeling kind of down, what he wasn’t expecting though, was him sitting on the bed and looking absolutely given up,

“Hey, why aren’t you packed yet, _all powerful Avatar?_ ” He teased leaning against the door frame, a playful smile placed on his lips, which quickly disappeared when he saw how distraught Roku was actually looking.

“Come on! Show me how it’s done using all four kinds of bending.” He tried to cheer his friend up, jumping in front of the room and imitating some bending forms jokingly.

Roku didn’t do so much as to smile, looking briefly at Sozin before he lowered his gaze once more. “I started packing, but then the Fire Sages told me that I won’t need any worldly possessions anymore...”

“Oh.” Sozin said simply, not knowing how else to respond. Roku was taking all of these pretty hard. He sat down next to him, as both of them struggled to say something to say. It was unsettling to see Roku this sad and quiet. Conversation used to come so easy, _yet another thing to show how things had changed..._

“It happened so fast. Everything’s going to be so different now...” Roku muttered finally, as if confirming Sozin’s fears.

It had been just over a month since Roku was announced to be the Avatar, and now he was leaving, for who knew how long. Everything had indeed happened so fast, and Roku couldn’t help but wish he would wake up to see everything was the same as before. He would give anything to just go back to his old life, including and especially this new, and admittedly for some people very desirable, thing that to him was just a burden to carry on his shoulders. _The weight of the world..._

Though Sozin didn’t fully understand the reason why Roku was so upset, he tried his best to sympathize with him. It was clear that Roku was upset to leave everything behind, and not just possessions, he knew that wasn’t actually Roku cared about at all. It was the people he didnt want to leave. Even though it was just for some time. He wondered how he would have felt if he was the Avatar instead of Roku. Would he be sad like him? He really didn’t think so. _Think of all the power you would have..._ And the only person he would actually miss when he was away would be Roku. Who else did he have? His father? He hadn’t been much of a father to him in the last few months, growing more distant each day.

He gathered his thoughts, right now wasn’t the time to think about imaginary scenarios, his friend needed something to cheer him up, something to comfort him. What could Sozin give him that would remind Roku of his home back in the Fire Nation, when he would feel alone on his journey to become the master of all four elements?

With a sudden idea appearing inside his head, he instinctively reached for the headpiece that was neatly placed into his bun. He took it off, holding it out to Roku.

“I hope you are at least allowed to have this.” The gold headpiece on his palm reflected the light that was shining into the room from the windows.

Roku looked at it for a moment, dumbfounded, then lifted his gaze back up to face his friend, trying to decipher if he was serious or not. He seemed genuine.

“But this is a royal artifact!” Roku protested finally, still not over the initial shock. “It is supposed to be worn by the Crown Prince.” He was reluctant to take it, it was certainly more expensive than anything he owned, and it didn’t belong to him. He had no right to wear a headpiece that belonged to the Royal Family.

“I want you to have it.” Sozin insisted. “At least you won’t forget me while you are away. Besides, I have dozens of other headpieces I can wear, I won’t even notice that this one is gone.” He decided to joke instead, trying to make him more comfortable about taking it. “Now take it before I change my mind.” He chuckled quietly, as Roku finally reached for the headpiece, putting it in his hair, giving a genuine smile to Sozin. It had actually made him feel better, now he could feel like his friend was there with him all the while he was actually away from his home.

Both the Prince and the Avatar got up, bowing formally in front of each other, before Roku actually pulled Sozin in for a hug. “Thank you.” He said as they let go, not just talking about the present.

“Don’t mention it.” Sozin waved his hand. “Seriously though, don’t. No need to get sentimental about things.” He said as he smiled jokingly, starting to walk out of the door with Roku following after him. “Come on, let’s take a walk around. You don’t intend to stay in your room and sulk whole day, do you?”

Roku shook his head, trying to smile as well. A walk sounded nice, it was a chance to see the Fire Nation once more before he left. _While everything was still the same…_

...

“So, when are you planning to talk to Ta Min?” They had been walking around the streets of the Capital for some time, people clearing the way as they lowered their heads in respect for the Prince and the Avatar. It wasn’t something Roku was foreign to, he was used to it from being around Sozin for so long, but now, the respect wasn’t only for the Fire Prince. And it was something that was so hard to ignore.

“About what?” The Avatar replied with another question, he hadn’t really been paying attention. Though he still felt his cheeks heat up by the mention of the girl’s name.

“Oh, you know, about how today is such a sunny day and it will be a very warm summer.” The Prince rolled his eyes, looking like he wanted to smack his own forehead with his palm. How could his friend be so wise and dense at the same time? “About your feelings, of course! What else?”

“Oh...” Roku was now feeling even more flushed. “I- I can’t do that, Sozin. You know I can’t.”

“Of course you can! You are the Avatar for fuck’s sake. How are you planning to keep the balance of the world when you can’t even talk to a girl?” He had said these as a joke, but seeing how his friend’s face fell, he mentally kicked himself.

“Look, all I am saying is that there is no way you can know if she likes you or not without talking to her.” He softened his tone and looked at the boy walking beside him.

“I know that, but—“ Roku looked away, feeling uncomfortable. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?!”

Sozin didn’t really see what was so complicated about it, but he kept that to himself. He had never been in Roku’s position after all, and even if he had been, which girl would be stupid enough to reject the Crown Prince?

“You said you were afraid about her finding someone else before you returned home, didn’t you?” Sozin asked as Roku nodded slightly. “Then how is she supposed to wait for you, if she doesn’t know there is something to wait for?”

Roku sighed, his friend was right, _of course he was_ , but still he was having trouble finding the courage in him to confess to her. “What if she says no?”

“What if she says yes?” The Prince retorted. “Honestly, Roku, you will never know if you don’t ask. And I am sure she won’t say no, she likes you, it is obvious even to me! And if she happens to say no, all of these will become a distant memory when you return anyway, neither of you will even remember it.”

There was some minutes of silence as the young Avatar mulled over what he should do. “Fine,” he muttered finally. “I will talk to her. Now.”

“Now that’s the spirit!” Sozin hit him on the shoulder, as Roku stumbled forward, both of them starting to chuckle as the people around them gave them some curious looks.

...

 _You can do it_ , Roku tried to encourage himself as he stood in front of the door to Ta Min’s house. Sozin had went back to the palace to let Roku handle this on his own, saying that he would wait for him there until he was done.

As he was fidgeting with the sleeves of his robes, he was starting to feel like this wasn’t such a good idea. He couldn’t do this on his own. _Don’t be a coward_ , Sozin’s voice echoed inside his head. It was now or never.

He took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air, feeling the familiar scent of the flowers nearby, and knocked on the door two times. It didn’t open. Maybe this was for the better. He turned away and was getting ready to leave as he heard a creaking behind him. _Damn it._

“May I help you?” Came the voice of an older woman, who Roku assumed was a maid. He turned towards the door, bracing himself.

“The Avatar!” The maid’s expression suddenly turned into shock as he saw Roku’s face, getting ready to bow.

Roku quickly lifted up his hand, feeling extremely uncomfortable. “Please — You don’t have to do that.” He said awkwardly as he looked at the woman. “I, uh, I just wanted to speak with Ta Min. Is she home?”

The woman nodded, moving away from the doorway to make room for Roku. “Come in.” She said as she welcomed him inside. “She is in the garden.”

Roku nodded politely as he followed after the maid towards the garden. Ta Min was there, leaned over a bush, taking in the scent of the flowers. She turned as she heard footseps behind her, suprised to see who her visitor was, as the maid gave them some space to talk, disappearing back into the house.

“Roku.” It wasn’t exactly a question, but her tone suggested the hidden one under it. _Why are you here?_

“You know my name?” Roku asked, this time it was him who was left suprised. He had thought she was oblivious to his existence. With this knowledge, he could feel himself blush and hoped he didn’t look like an idiot.

“Well, almost everybody in the Fire Nation knows your name right about now.” She replied with a small chuckle.

“Uh, y-yeah, I guess that’s true... I— uh...” _Yeah, he definitely looked and sounded like an idiot. Great!_ Roku felt himself getting redder and redder with every passing second. Of course she knew her name, along with a few hundred people.

He took a deep breath before he found the courage to speak again. _Now or never..._ “Look, I know we never really talked before, and I didn’t think you knew that I even existed before everyone else learned that I existed as well, but....” He trailed of, he was rambling. _Get a grip!_ “What I am trying to say is that I am leaving tomorrow, and I wanted to say goodbye.” He managed finally.

“Oh...” She didn’t knew what else to say as she felt her face heating up a bit as well. It was honestly endearing, seeing him at such a loss for words. “But why?” She asked quietly. “You barely even knew me. Why bother saying goodbye?”

 _There is no turning back now._ “Because I like you!” He blurted out. “A lot. I’ve liked you for a long time now, and I thought I should say that before I leave, I know that you may not feel the same way at all, and you don’t have to, of course. Honestly, I wasn’t even going to admit it, but my friend pressured me into this, because I might lose all the chance I had if I left without saying anything, and you could have found someone else when I returned and—“

His words were abrutly cut off with a set of lips pressed against his own, in an attempt to put an end to his rambling.

Ta Min smiled kindly at him, her cheeks tinted pink like the flowers in the garden, and Roku’s entire face turned into brightest shade of red. “I’ve liked you for a while too. I was wondering if you felt the same...”

Roku felt a huge weight lifting off his shoulders, sighing in relief. _Sozin had been right after all._ If he had just talked to her sooner, he would’ve saved himself from all these times of crushing hopelessly on her.

“I will wait for your return.” She said shyly, giving him a genuine smile. “Then maybe we can start what we never got a chance to have before.”

Roku didn’t know if it was an empty promise that years later would only be remembered as a fond childhood memory, but right now, he didn’t care. He was happy, and that was all that mattered.

“You should probably go now...”Ta Min said quietly, sounding a bit sad. “You must have a lot of things to settle before you leave.” She leaned in and placed a small kiss on his cheek, causing him to blush again.

“Goodbye, Roku.”

Roku finally found the strenght in him to speak again for the first time after she had kissed him. “Goodbye, Ta Min. I will see you soon.” _And he hoped he would._

He turned away and forced himself to walk slowly towards the door, and it took him an immense amount of willpower to not jump around happily like a little kid.

...

“She kissed me!” Roku announced happily to his friend before he even got a chance to ask how the things had gone. “I was so sure that I had messed everything up, but then she kissed me!” He no longer felt the need to hide his happiness and excitement, now that he was with his friend.

“That’s great, Roku.” Sozin said, actually meaning it. “But, I am sorry, I have to say this,” he paused for a moment for dramatic effect, looking at Roku. “ _I told you so_.”

Roku didn’t even hear his friend’s remark, as he was lost in thought. “She told me that she would wait for me.” He murmured dreamily, knowing that Ta Min would be there waiting for his return was exactly the motivation he needed to master the elements as quickly as possible and return home. He was starting to feel better about this whole thing.

“Okay, lover boy. Get a hold of yourself. Do you want to walk around like an enamoured fool all day?” The Prince asked as he chuckled.

“I am happy with being a fool...” Roku sighed, looking at the sky with an absent look on his face, coming back to earth as Sozin hit him on the shoulder. “Ow!”

“Don’t make me regret that I convinced you to talk to her.” He laughed, amused by how a girl had so much affect on his friend. _Yet another reason to not fall in love._

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Roku chuckled, a bit embarassed, as he shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“So, now what?”

Sozin just shrugged. “Whatever you want. It is your day after all.”

...

They decided to continue their walk around a busier street of the Fire Nation, most people staying out of their way in respect, while sons and especially daughters of some noblemen tried to approach, striking a conversation with Roku, while they had never acknowledged his existence at all before, except for being a close friend of the Fire Prince. Roku was uncomfortable the whole time.

They had tried their luck with Sozin long time ago, but quickly realized he wasn’t easy to approach and retreated, wondering how Roku had done it. Sozin saw through each of them like glass, they were only interested in power that he had, being the friend of the future Fire Lord. Not that he had anything against it, but it was so annoying to have all those fake people around him, agreeing with anything he would say, constantly flattering him to gain his favor. _It was pathetic_.

Now it was Roku’s power as the Avatar that they were attracted to. And he didn’t seem to know how to make them go away, since he didn’t want to be rude. Finally, Sozin had enough, and fended off all of them as Roku sighed in relief. He didn’t appreciate them stealing his last time for a while with his friend.

“Glad that’s over. For a moment I thought they would never leave.” Roku rolled his eyes, they were walking towards his house while the day was coming to an end.

“You should be assertive, Roku. Those people are just trying to take advantage of you. All they want is power.”

“But I have none. They all have as much wealth as I have, some of them even more.” Roku protested, confused. “I don’t have anything they could possibly want.”

“You are so naive sometimes.” Sozin replied, rolling his eyes. “It is not about money. You have a respectable position as the Avatar now. They want to be in your good graces, so that they could benefit from you.” _With him by your side, no one will even think to doubt about the righteoussness of your decisions._ The Prince grimaced as his father’s words echoed in his ears.

“How could they possibly benefit from me? I might be the Avatar, but I don’t have the same power as you have. I don’t rule the nation or anything.”

“Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they would be attracted to your title as the Avatar for the very least.” He explained. “The prestige it would bring being the Avatar’s friend.” He just shrugged, he was used to people’s bullshit by now.

“I see...” Roku nodded slowly. “Well, if I have to be honest I am not really interested in being their friend anyway. They seem to be not my type of people.”

“And what is your type of people?” Sozin probed with a questioning tone.

Roku shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.” He said simply. “People who are not power hungry and selfish like them.”

Sozin snorted but didn’t comment since they had already arrived in front of Roku’s house and it was time to say goodbye.

“So... I guess this is it, then?” Sozin said quietly.

Roku sighed, nodding, as he looked down on the ground.

“You will master the elements in no time, and come back to marry Ta Min.” He tried to lift up his friend’s mood, despite not feeling very happy himself.

Roku just pulled him in for a hug. “I’ll see you soon.” He said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself.

The two friends remained there for a moment, before Sozin eventually pulled away. “You should go home now...”

Roku nodded, trying to seem happy, as he turned his back and walked over to his house, turning back to wave at Sozin one last time.

...

Roku was now on the deck of a ship that would take him to the Southern Air Temple, waiting for it to take off. There was an unexpected crowd at the docks, people had come to see the Avatar’s departure, leaving their duties and responsibilities. _It still felt weird that they cared._

And of course, his friend was there too, the crowd was divided in half to make way for their Prince. He gave Roku a reassuring look, and Roku tried to relax a bit. Everything was going to be just fine. If all those others had done it before him, he could do it too. Besides, maybe it would be a fun adventure. He would have many stories to tell once he was back.

These was his thoughts when the ship started to make way amongst the waves with a loud siren. He looked at the shores of his nation one last time before he turned his gaze towards the horizon.

Things were going to be different now. _Better or worse, only time would tell…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am realizing that this story has become pretty Roku-centric in the last few chapters, but with Roku gone, I will focus more on Sozin. Though I am still debating on if I should also write about Roku's time away, even if it is brief. So do let me know what you think.
> 
> Another thing is that, it didn't really make sense to me that Roku got married to Ta Min right after he returned, so I figured they must have had some kind of conversation beforehand. And honestly, it was fun to write a nervous Roku trying to talk to his crush lol.
> 
> Also, as you might have noticed, I made this into a series. So that is why the description, the characters and the tags are updated since I only wanted to put the relevant ones to this particular story. Though I want to add all the tags and characters to the series description, but the site doesn’t let me. It displays whatever tags I put into the story description, so if anyone knows if there is a way to do that, please let me know.
> 
> Lastly, I already have the next four chapters written out, I just have to edit them, so maybe there might be more frequent updates. Though I honestly think editing is hundred times harder than writing and it honestly is the most stressful part for me since I am giving my writing its last form before I actually post it. And I can't help but cringe when I find a stupid grammar mistake or a sentence that just doesn't make any sense. That's why I keep procrastinating and just keep writing new chapters instead of editing the already written ones. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much to everyone who read this far, and don't forget to let me know what you think!


	11. Alone

The day after Roku’s departure from the Fire Nation felt so strange and wrong to Sozin. His friend hadn’t been really present in the last weeks, but the fact that he wasn’t actually here now was jarring to think about. He was on his way to the Air Temples, and everything had happened so fast. 

He felt as if a part of him was lost, which sounded like an extremely stupid thing even to his own ears, but still he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was lost without his best friend.

He just wanted to sit in his room and sulk all day, but of course _a Prince had duties._

He had no choice but to go on with his life, and to hope that Roku would actually be able to manage that as well.

...

It had been a week. And Roku’s absence was more present than ever. Sozin had actually forgotten how boring it would get in the palace all in his own, _and it was so incredibly dull._

Everything in his life seemed to be continuing as usual, only with no fun at all. Even practicing his bending had become a chore without a friend to do it with.

“Focus, Prince Sozin.” His firebending master instructed firmly, jerking him away from his thoughts, as he missed the target.

“I _am_ focused.” Sozin lied, his voice annoyed. But he groaned in anger as his second ball off fire also missed. “I need a break.”

“But we’ve been practicing only for fifteen minutes. Your father had instructed me tha-“

“Fuck my father!” Sozin snapped, shutting the man up. “I said I need a break!”

His master didn’t dare open his mouth once more, averting his eyes from the fuming Prince.

Sozin sighed, walking up and down in the training room, trying to calm himself down. He knew it wasn’t the poor man’s fault, he was merely following orders that had come from a higher place. Besides, he had no particular problem with his firebending master. He was actually good at his job, only a little boring. He had done nothing to deserve an outburst from Sozin. He was becoming irritable like his father, _and he didn’t want that._

Maybe he just needed to focus on his training and studies more. That would both take his mind off of Roku’s absence, and please his father. _Not that the Fire Lord even came to see his son nowadays._

He took a deep breath as he turned to face the target once more, summoning the familiar warmth back to his palms. The flame flickered as he aimed, another deep breath, and throw. _He actually hit it this time._

…

A month had passed. The time had started to go by much faster ever since he had figured out what to do. It hadn’t even actually felt like a month. He was always busy now, burying himself in history scrolls even after his lessons were over, whenever he was not firebending.

When he would go to bed at night, he would immedietly fall asleep, not having any time to even think about anything. Keeping himself busy kept him away from feeling both his boredom and loneliness.

And he was on top of his every lesson. In fact, he had never been better. His teachers were proud of his progress, even that stupid Shuso, and he had to admit that history was _tolarable_ when he knew what the fuck was going on. Extra reading hours had helped with that.

“And who founded the Dai Li, Prince Sozin, and why?”

“Avatar Kyoshi did. To be able to better protect the heritage of the Earth Kingdom.” A nod of approval from the man that rarely approved anything he would say. Earth Kingdom history, boring as it might be, was still something he was ordered to learn, and he was trying harder than he had before.

“What is the Air Nomads’ most important philosophy in life?”

“They believe that all life is sacred, and they actively try to refrain from harming any living being. That is why they don’t have an official military.” Stupid really, how could they possibly defend themselves from their enemies that way? Philosophy lessons were generally the hardest to grasp.

“Very good, Prince Sozin. Seems like you’ve been studying.” 

“How was the government of the Fire Nation before the reign of the first Fire Lord?”

“It was called the Fire Islands back then, and they were under the control of the Fire Sages, before the Fire Lord united them under the name of the Fire Nation, and the Fire Sages continued to rule alongside him for some time.” The history of his own nation was his favorite out of the four.

“What ancient spirits do waterbenders get their bending from?

“Tui and La, the sun and the moon spirits. They appear in the form of koi fish, and they keep circling each other in balance.” The culture of the Water Tribes was not particularly interesting, but he had memorized it anyway.

He would memorize almost anything. 

...

A year and Roku was merely a thought in the back of his mind. His not so new routine of studying, training, and then studying again, then finally reading until he fell asleep was comforting. He didn’t have to think about how lonely he was.

Such a huge palace, and there was only his father, _only barely._ He didn’t even remember the last time his father was interested in him. The slightest glimpse of pride when he would perform one of the new forms he had learnt in front of him, was as close as it would get.

There had been a great progress in his firebending as well. He had learnt fifteen new forms in the span of a year. He was doing great, excelling at everything he would do.

Nobody realized he had been overstraining himself, not even him. Or maybe he did, but he didn’t want to admit it. 

He was looking more and more tired each day, there was bags under his eyes, he wasn’t as enthusiastic about this whole ordeal as he had been in the beginning. He was so easy to anger, everyday he would snap at more than a handful of maids. 

_But he had to be perfect._ Perfection was addicting, and anything less than that now would only be seen as a disappointment.

Maybe Roku could have seen that coming, _he certainly would._ He was the only one that paid attention to Sozin’s well-being. He would tell his friend to take it easy. But he wasn’t there, was he? None of these would have happened if he wasn’t the Avatar.

Sozin was practicing his firebending forms that day as usual, as his master watched carefully. They were outside because of the nice weather. But there was something off today, his movements were jerkier, his tone of voice more snappy than usual. He wasn’t as precise and quick while performing his bending. The Fire Lord had said that he would come to watch, which was something he had never done on his own, and that was causing Sozin a lot more stress.

He hadn’t been able to sleep very well the night before. For the first time in a year, he hadn’t immedietly fallen asleep as soon as he closed his eyes, so he had stood awake until the sunrise, reading a scroll about the origins of firebending.

He was regretting that decision very much right now. His eyes were seeing blurry, he had a headache, he was feeling dizzy, and months of build up exhaustion didn’t help.

His father stood in front of him, eyes squinted as he observed his son’s sloppy movements. He was looking tired and weak as well, but he was better at hiding it than Sozin.

The world started to spin around, as the young Prince lifted one leg up to do a kick in the air, he was starting to see stars in front of him, the corners of his eyes growing black.

“Prince Sozin?!” A worried voice, _that was not his father’s_ , rang in his ears as the blackness closed in on him. 

The hard ground underneath him being the last thing he felt as he lost conscioussness.

...

He woke up in a room that wasn’t his, lying on a bed that didn't belong to him. It took him a few minutes to remember what had happened before, and that he was, in fact, in a room at the hospital wing of the palace. He had passed out, _in front of his father._

He quickly closed his eyes again, as he heard the door opening, pretending to still be asleep.

“Tell me what happened to him.” The Fire Lord’s voice was demanding but quiet, with a hint of worry underneath.

“Nothing serious, my Lord, do not worry.” The man, whose voice Sozin recognized as the healer, spoke calmly and soothingly.

“Nothing serious?!” The Fire Lord did so much as to shout without actually raising his voice. “He just fainted out of nowhere in the garden!”

“I-I didn’t mean to displease you, my Lord. I just—“

“Look at me.” His father cut him off. “Do I look like I could have any more heirs?! You know it better than anyone that I don’t have more than few years! He is the only heir to the throne and you dare to be dismissive about his health?!”

Sozin couldn’t help but actually feel hurt by the fact that this was the only reason why his father cared about him. He was the only heir to the throne, the only one that would continue his legacy. Not because he actually cared about his well-being...

“Forgive me, Fire Lord...” The man’s voice was barely a whisper. “I will make sure that he is taken care of in the best way.”

“You better do...” The Fire Lord muttered under his breath. “Tell me, then, what is wrong with him?”

“He is just too exhausted, overstrained from working, and probably from stress... He needs to rest, and just go easy on himself.”

“That is all?” His father almost sounded disappointed. “Pathetic.”

Sozin heard footsteps, as his father walked towards what he assumed to be the door.

“Should I let you know when he wakes up, my Lord?” The healer asked hesitantly.

“Not necessary.” He shut the door behind his back, not caring about if he made too much noise.

The Prince wanted to get up and say something about it, but he knew he shouldn’t blow up his cover, his father shouldn’t know that he was listening in. His hands formed into fists at his sides as he gripped the sheets angrily. Thankfully, the healer didn’t seem to notice, since he didn’t hear any comment from him about Sozin being awake.

He forced himself to fall back asleep, if he were to open his eyes and go back to being awake right now, it would be difficult to act like he hadn’t heard anything.

...

When he woke up again, there was no one in the room, he didn’t know for how long he was asleep, but looking out of the window and seeing that it was getting dark, he assumed that it had been a good couple of hours.

He still felt tired and weak, but he was much better now. He didn’t feel like he could pass out at any moment, for a start.

He took a few minutes to observe the room he was in. It was familiar but also stranger to him at the same time. He hadn’t been to the hospital wing ever since he was a kid. There hadn’t been much change in it over the last few years, the simple and clean looking room was still the same, with a single bed in the middle of it and two chairs next to it. It could have been the least decorated room of the palace, apart from the rooms of the servants and maids. He briefly wondered why they had brought him here, instead of taking him to his room.

But he didn’t have much time to think about it as the door slowly opened once more, the healer entering.

“Prince Sozin, you are awake. Good. You had us worried for a moment.”

“I am fine...” His voice came out hoarse and not strong as he would have liked, as he sat up un the bed.

“You shouldn’t have tired yourself this much, Your Highness, it is not good for anyone.”

Sozin didn’t respond, he didn’t have anything to say. The man was right, and Sozin didn’t want to admit that.

“You should take a break from your training and classes for a few days, take some time to rest.”

“It is not necessary. I am fine, I won’t tire myself out that much.” Sozin insisted, he had already seemed weak in front of his father, taking a break from his studies would only reinforce the idea.

“With all due respect, my Prince, it was not a suggestion.” 

Sozin closed his eyes again, sighing, as he tried to regain his calm. “Fine. I will take a break for the rest of the week.” He gave up. Maybe he actually needed this.

“Now is there a reason why you are keeping me here, or can I go to my room?” The Prince’s tone was sharp.

“Surely you can. I only kept you here since the guard that carried you decided to bring you here instead of your room.” He turned away and walked back towards the door. “I will get someone to help you.”

“I am perfectly capable of walking on my own!”

“Of course you are, Your Highness.” He muttered, facing the floor. “I had just—“

“Enough! I don’t want to hear it.” Sozin cut him off once more, getting up angrily from the bed.

He must have stood up too quickly, because the world around him started to spin once again as he had to hold onto the side of the bed in order to not fall. _Great._

The Prince lifted up a hand in the healer’s general direction to shut him up before he had a chance to say anything at all, closing his eyes for a moment to regain his balance. When he finally thought he did, he opened them again hesitantly, letting go of the bed. He took a few tentative steps, he seemed to be more or less stable. 

He reached the door finally, this room being the only place he allowed himself to display any weakness at all. He straightened his shoulders and lifted his head up before he put a hand on the cold handle, opening it determinedly. He left without saying anything at all.

A few guards he saw on the hallway bowed their heads in acknowledgement to their Prince, as he tried to take even and long steps. All he actually wanted to do was to lie down. Thankfully, he managed to reach his room without any further humiliation.

Once he closed the door behind him, he practically threw himself on the bed in a not so princely manner that he was sure his father wouldn’t approve, but he couldn’t care less at that moment. He couldn’t even bother with changing out of his training clothes that he had been wearing.

As he lied there and stared blankly at the high ceiling of his chambers, he let himself think about Roku for the first time in months. Being exhausted had lowered down his defenses.

He wondered how his friend was holding up, did he overwork himself to the point of passing out as well, when he was trying to learn how to bend the other elements? No, Sozin was pretty sure he wouldn’t. Roku knew he didn’t have to be perfect. He knew his limits. He would much rather take his time and learn things slowly and steadily. _And he would be learning a lot of things in his journey, wouldn’t he?_

It was then that realization hit Sozin. He had lied to himself all this time, saying that he was working so hard just because he didn’t want to feel bored or lonely. The truth was, and he could only see it now, that he was feeling _lacking._ He was afraid that his knowledge and firebending prowess would be inferior to Roku’s when he returned.

The logical side of him knew it was stupid, Roku would never taunt him with the new things he had learnt, or rub it in his face. But Sozin was used to being the best for all his life, he was getting the best education anyone in the Fire Nation could, he was the best firebender amongst his peers, he was the most admired person in the nation, aside from the Fire Lord himself. And the idea that someone he knew for almost his entire life taking all these titles no one but himself actually cared about was disturbing him. He needed to be better. He needed to match the skills and knowledge his friend would soon acquire.

 _What would Roku say if he heard Sozin saying these things?_ He wouldn’t be mad, Sozin didn’t think so. Possibly disappointed, but not mad.

“ _But I still don’t know anything. I am as ignorant as I had been when I first left.”_ His clearly wiser friend would say, actually believing that it was the truth, but Sozin would know that it wasn’t. Roku had always been humble.

“ _I am the same Roku as I always had been.”_ But he wouldn’t be the same now, would he? Responsibility and duty tended to do that to people, it would change them. He realized he was also worried about his friend not being the same when he returned. _Sozin certainly knew that he himself was not the same._

Roku would never stay friends with someone who envied his achievements and skills. In that case, _Sozin would never let it show_. He would change back again, when his friend came back. He would help Sozin change for the better, he always had. 

But maybe it didn’t have to come down to that. Sozin himself could change back into his better self on his own, or at least, prevent himself from getting worse.

He would take things easy, like the healer had said, he wouldn’t slack off like he used to do, but maybe he could stop busying himself with something from the moment he woke up to the moment he closed his eyes. He could allow himself some free time, a few hours each day. That seemed like an appropriate thing to do.

Now that he was more at ease, and knew where the root of his motivation was, he was able to relax a little. He felt his eyes starting to close, despite having slept for hours.

He was just so tired, he thought that he had managed to hold on well for a year, but this wouldn’t do anymore. Being tired and weak contradicted with his goal to be better. 

That would have to wait anyway, for he had given himself a week to relax and take things easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I am back after a whole month. I think I am starting to realize that I shouldn't give more promises I can't keep about when my next would be. But I am sincerely hoping to update more frequently.
> 
> I wanted this chapter to be about what Sozin was going through and his thoughts during Roku's time away. The next chapter will do the same, but it will be about Roku this time. And then, the chapters will most likely be centered around Sozin until Roku comes back.
> 
> On another note, I realized that this story has over 1000 hits now, which is huge for me. So I wanted to thank everyone who is reading this story! Your kudos and comments do really make my day :)


	12. Arrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... I had said that this chapter would be about Roku's time away, but to be honest, I didn't think it would fit in anywhere between these few chapters, that is why I will postpone it about 3 chapters, just to make things more cohesive. I hope you still enjoy it nonetheless!

He managed to do exactly as he intended to do. It proved to be really hard at first, finding things to entertain himself during his free hours. He would take small naps, draw something, even though he was not that skilled, he would read scrolls that were not related to his lessons. It felt strange to do things just for fun after a year of extensive studying.

Lately, he had started to visit the concubines of the palace as well, and it turned out that they proved to be a fun distraction. Marriage was still the furthest thing away from his mind, but he would be a fool to deny the pleasures a woman could provide.

He was eighteen now, another year had passed, this time with a new, less tiring routine. He was feeling much better than the last year, he was still excelling at things he would do, but without being overly exhausted. With the fatigue gone, his temper had started to soften as well. 

But this newfound routine wouldn’t last long. This had been the last year of his private lessons, he had learned everything he could from his teachers, and now it was time to do things on his own.

This provided him with a lot of free time, more than he would have liked. He was now allowed into the political meetings of the Fire Lord, but if he had to be honest, he found the matters discussed there incredibly boring. Just taxes, and stocks, and nothing worthwhile. But of course he would sit there with the other important nobles and governors, while they discussed the matters of the nation.

He remembered the first time he ever participated in a meeting. It had been just a few months ago.

He had been so excited to finally learn what went on behind the closed doors of the meeting room, but the truth turned out to be dreadfully tedious.

He sat there for hours, without even being given the permission to speak, while people complained about how high the taxes were, others sustaining that they weren’t high enough. He started to tune out their voices after the first hour and a half.

Today was also one of those days, when he jumped in his seat, hearing his father calling out to him.

“Prince Sozin?” His voice was controlled but there was a hint of mockery in it. “What do _you_ think?”

He felt heat rising to his face, he had no idea what the Fire Lord had just asked. “I think... uh, I think...” He stammered, not daring to ask the subject. “I think it is a good idea.” 

“ _You think it is a good idea_?” The Fire Lord scoffed. “I just asked how much of the income provided by agriculture should be added to the royal treasure in your opinion.” His eyes were squinted when he eyed Sozin critically. “Or were you not paying attention?” His voice was daring Sozin to challenge him.

And for the briefest moment, the Prince actually wanted to do that. He wanted to stand up and yell at him for purposefully embarassing him, and taking pleasure in it, in front of everyone. He would have _never_ asked his opinion in these meetings. He must have noticed that his son had zoned out, and this was his twisted punishment for it. He knew better than to take the bait and act hostile.

“My apologies, my Lord.” He wasn’t allowed to call him father in front of the others. “I must have gotten distracted.” He kept his voice docile, and his eyes low.

“ _Distracted?_ ” The Fire Lord probed, much to Sozin’s dismay. “And what could possibly be more important in your mind than the matters of your nation?”

“Nothing, my Lord.” _Oh, how he hated this._ “Forgive my disrespect.” He felt absolutely humiliated as he felt the eyes of everyone in the room on himself.

“Very well.” He must have decided that this was enough. “You have been dismissed.” He turned his face away from his son, but not fast enough that he wouldn’t see the glint of amusement in his eyes. His father wasn’t really angry, he actually couldn’t have cared less, he was only getting some sort of sick satisfaction from it.

Sozin wanted to yell “ _what the fuck did I ever do to you?”,_ but that wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do in the current situation. Even though the Fire Lord seemed like he wanted to keep up the appeareances in public, the Prince knew that he could very well lose control against such a blatant outburst.

“But—“ was all he could say to protest before the Fire Lord cut him off. 

“I said that you were dismissed.” He repeated, with the familiar angry tone being slightly more evident in his voice this time. “You may leave, and think about whatever it is that prevents you from focusing on your nation’s problems.”

Sozin opened his mouth to say something, before shutting it back, resigned. Whatever he would say would only be good for antagonizing him more. He could feel everyone in the room holding their breaths as they watched intently _the fucking spectacle._

He rose up from his seat in fury, and turned his back, leaving through the door without giving the proper bow to his father.

Instead of releasing his anger with firebending like he tended to do, this time he called for a girl in his room, needing to take out his anger on an _actual human being_ , and this poor girl was the victim.

The concubines would never complain, it wasn’t their place to do so. And why would they? They would get to stay in the palace, in a better position than the servants, and for a considerably small price. Besides, they were used to everything, not that Sozin had been particularly rough with any of them, but because of the way the Fire Lord would treat them. It was known that those who displeased him faced an unpleasant faith.

But unfortunately for him, this particular girl did seem to complain, _a lot._ From the moment she entered the room, Sozin could see that the girl was shaking. She was scared. He assumed that she might be new in the palace. And he was definitely not in the mood to console anybody.

“Just take of your clothes and get to the bed.” He instructed with an audible sigh. His voice wasn’t actually harsh, but it did cause tears to appear in the corners of the girl’s eyes. Her hands were trembling as she reluctantly started to remove her clothes. After she was done, she walked over to the bed, lingering as she didn’t know what to do.

Sozin eyed the girl carefully, she did look quite young, even younger than he was. Her eyes were fixed on the floor, afraid to meet the gaze of the Fire Prince as she just couldn’t stop shaking.

“Lie down.” He ordered, and the girl unwillingly complied, her lip quivering as she tried to hold back her tears.

He got a clear look at her face as she did, and the desperation in her eyes gave him a pause. Something about it made him think of how his father would treat his concubines. How was Sozin any different than him if he were to have this poor, scared girl?

It would have been so easy, despite her fear, _because of her fear,_ she wouldn’t resist. He could hurt her, burn her, take all his anger out on her, and all he would get would be silent sobs and tears. The thought turned his stomach upside down.

“Just leave.” He turned away from her while letting out an exasperated sigh.

“W-what..?” The girl’s voice was barely a whisper, shocked by what she had just heard.

“You heard me. Get dressed and leave.” 

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, and then he heard some rustling behind him as she got up and started to put her clothes back on.

She staggered around the door for a moment, not leaving. “Am I... am I going to be...” She trailed off.

The Prince turned to face her once again. “No, you won’t be executed.” He finished her sentence for her, relief immedietly softening the features of the girl’s face. “Now just get out before I change my mind.”

“T-thank you, my Prince.” She whispered quietly.

“Don’t thank me. And consider yourself lucky that it was me, and not my father.” She wouldn’t have gotten away so easily then. Even now, his small act of mercy was going to cost her so much more. He couldn’t have just let her leave the palace, and when the Fire Lord would get his hands on her, which he eventually would since his son hadn’t, she would regret crying here today.

He didn’t look at her again as she quickly left the room, leaving an annoyed Sozin behind. _What a fucking day._

From that day on, he always paid full attention during the meetings, but of course, his father never asked him anything again.

...

Six more years passed with the same tedious repetitions, he was now 24 years old, no longer a small boy, but a young man. He almost never thought about where Roku was or how was he doing anymore. 

One day, a day like any other, he was sitting on his desk in his room, reading a scroll, when he heard a polite knock.

“Enter.” He ordered, without looking up from the piece of parchment.

“Prince Sozin.” The servant that entered greeted him respectfully. “The Fire Lord is waiting for you in his throne room. He said that it was urgent.”

Sozin lifted his head up to face the man in front of him, wondering what his father could possibly want now. He sighed as he stood up, following after the servant as they left the room.

On the way, his mind weighed the possibilities. Was it another meeting? _No, it wouldn’t be urgent then._ Was he finally abdicating? _Highly unlikely, he would never._ Was he dying? _He wouldn’t be in the throne room then_. Was there a riot or a rebellion? _No, the people of the Fire Nation adored the royal family._ Were they going in a war? _Also very unlikely, their relations with the other nations were just fine._

He knew he wouldn’t get to anywhere with his speculations, he would learn what this was about soon enough anyway.

The servant left with another bow, as they reached the gates. Sozin took a breath and braced himself for what was to come, before he stepped into the room.

It was empty except for the Fire Lord himself, and two guards that were standing at the each side of the door. It didn’t seem like anything was wrong.

He walked up to the throne, bowing in front of his father, forehead touching the floor once again. “Father.” He greeted before he lifted up his head.

“Get up.” His voice didn’t sound irritated and tired as usual. “I have exciting news for you, son.”

Sozin’s brows furrowed in confusion, but he reluctantly complied, getting up and standing in front of the Fire Lord. “May I know what that is, Father?”

“I have arranged a marriage between you and the daughter of one of the most esteemed noble families.” He said simply, as if he was talking about the weather.

“You did what?!” Sozin blurted out in shock, all the respect and politeness casted aside for a moment. “Didn’t you think of letting me know about it before?!”

“What is the point? You do not get a say in this, you will marry whom I choose. Just like I had in my youth, and my father before me.” The Fire Lord decided to let him get away with his outburst this, knowing that he did it because he was so suprised. Besides he was in a good mood.

Sozin just stared at him blankly for a few minutes. _You do not get a say in this?!_ He obviously knew this day would come, but he hadn’t expected it to be so soon, and sudden. He had thought that they would at least discuss about it, his father would not just engage him with a random girl without his knowledge.

And what choice did he have but to accept? It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. There wasn’t even an option to accept or refuse. The Fire Lord had said Sozin was going to get married, and he would. 

The fact that he didn’t want to get married didn’t matter at all. He had made himself get used to the idea years ago, but still, that didn’t make it any less shocking. However it wasn’t worth arguing about.

“She is a beautiful young woman, you will like her.” His father declared, as if it would change anything.

“Yes, Father.” He didn’t know what else to say as he fixed his gaze on the floor.

“It is good to hear that you are so... compliant about this.” The Fire Lord stated, sounding almost entertained, as he turned towards the door, calling out to the guards. “Bring her in.”

“Wait, she is here?!” This was all happening so fast, seeing her would make everything far more real.

His father barely nodded, before he leaned back in his throne, folding his hands in front of him as he watched his son with careful eyes.

A girl entered the room with a guard accompanying her. She was indeed beautiful, a tall, elegant figure with long black hair and big eyes. But there was sadness in them as she walked slowly towards the throne. Out of all the girls in the nation, she seemed to be one of the few that didn’t want to get married to the Crown Prince. Normally, this could’ve angered Sozin, but right now he couldn’t care less about any of these. Not about her beauty, not about her elegance, not about the sorrow in her eyes.

For right now, all he could think of was that he knew her. She had changed a bit over the last few years, but still, it was unmistakably her.

“ _Ta Min?!_ ”


	13. Marriage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will I ever stop procrastinating? Another long break, but I am back for real this time. I am really sorry for being absent for more than a month. This chapter was a bitch to edit, and I kept putting it off because I had trouble making the conversation flow naturally. I think it turned out okay in the end. Well, at least better than the monstrosity that was the first draft.
> 
> Anyways, I don't have much to say other than I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Ta Min looked suprised at the fact that the Prince seemed to know her name. Of course, she had seen him around Roku, but she had never considered the possibility that the Crown Prince of her nation knew who she was. “H-how do you know my name?” She stammered, her voice barely audible.

Sozin didn’t reply, he didn’t have an answer to give at that moment. Not when his father was asking him to marry the girl his best friend had been in love with for years. All he could do was to stare blankly at her for a moment before turning to face his father again, eyes still wide in shock.

“So you already know each other, then? It seems that this will work out better than I had previously anticipated.” Sozin couldn’t tell if his father was mocking him or being serious. Either way, there was no way he could marry Ta Min.

“Father, can I have a talk with you?” He forced his voice to sound calm and even, despite not feeling the slightest bit of calmness. Regardless of his efforts, his words came out strained. “ _Alone_.”

The Fire Lord scoffed, waving his hand. “I am sure you can say whatever you have to say to me in front of your future wife.” From the outside, it could almost be seen as him being kind towards the girl, treating her as his equal, but Sozin knew him better than anyone, and right now he could hear in his voice that his father was challenging him. _Will you dare to protest right now?_

_He would._

“Okay, I will.” Sozin clenched his jaw. “I won’t marry her.”

The Fire Lord raised a brow, he was good at hiding his anger in front of strangers. Once Ta Min would become a part of the Royal Family, she meet his real fury as well. _All the more reason to not drag her into this mess._ “I thought we had already gone over this, Sozin.”

“But I didn’t know that it was her!” Sozin snapped. “I can’t marry her. Please, Father, anyone but her!” He couldn’t really care less if Ta Min would actually take offense to that, but judging by her apparent unhappiness that was written all over her pretty face, he doubted that she would.

“And why is that?” His father questioned, his calm facade was starting to slip, and Sozin could see that. He was minutes away from erupting like a volcano. “It has already been arranged, I had a talk with her father. Can you imagine how big of a shame she would bring on her family and herself, if she went home being rejected by the Prince?”

Sozin took a deep breath, _of course he knew_. But he couldn’t just marry her! How could he do this to Roku? He had been so worried about Ta Min finding someone else and getting married before he would return, and now Sozin was about to be the one to marry the girl his best friend was in love with. He couldn’t betray Roku like that. _What would he even think? Could Sozin even be able to explain himself?_

“I won’t marry her! My decision is final!”

“So is mine, Sozin!” The mask cracked, shattered into a billion pieces as fake calmness disappeared with the speed of lightning. “The Fire Lord’s word is the law. And not even you are above it!”

“So what?! What are you going to do to force my hand?!” Sozin yelled back in return, hot flames appearing on his clenched fists. “Imprison me? Beat me? Torture me? Both of us know that you can’t do any of these!”

“Show some respect when speaking to me, Prince Sozin!” The Fire Lord stood up from his throne with the agility that wouldn’t be expected of someone his age and condition. He was fuming now, smoke coming out of his nose.

“I will speak respectfully whenever you start to respect _my_ decisions concerning _my_ life!”

“Get out.” He growled through gritted teeth, using the last shards of his long gone restraint, and it took Sozin a moment to realize that he was actually talking to Ta Min. 

The girl’s eyes were wide with fear, her hands trembling and her lip quivering in horror. She had never seen the Fire Lord in such an engraged state before. If there was the slightest possibility that she could get used to the idea of this marriage, it was gone now. The fear she felt in the face of the Fire Lord’s fury had shaken her. Much to Sozin’s admiration, she managed to bow her head in respect, before she left the throne room as quickly as she could without running, the sounds of hurried footsteps echoing as she disappeared.

“Insolent fool!” The Fire Lord roared when they were alone. “How dare you speak to me in such way in front of my future daughter in law?!” There was unrestraint anger in his golden eyes. “Now I will have to make sure she will not speak of today to anyone!”

“Don’t you dare lay a hand on her!” The idea of his father threatening the already terrified girl made anger and fear stir in the Prince’s chest. “And for your information, she will never be your daughter in law!”

“Do not test my patience, Sozin. I have very little left.” His voice was a threat, hiding the promise of violence underneath. It took Sozin all he had to not flinch at his words. He felt like a little boy.

“I will marry whoever you want, I promise.” Sozin decided to try a calmer approch. “Just not Ta Min. Anyone but her, please. It shouldn’t be that hard to find a girl who wants to marry the Prince! I don’t have to marry this poor girl who doesn’t want it any more than I do.” He was almost begging now, he felt so small.

“So, is that the problem? The fact that she does not want you?” The Fire Lord almost scoffed at that, despite his anger. “A woman’s duty is to marry whoever was deemed suitable for her. She should be honored that she will become a part of the Royal Family. She will get used to it. And so will you.”

“That’s not the problem!” The Crown Prince protested, shaking his head. “I don’t care if the girl I have to marry wants it or not. It just can’t be _her_!”

“Then tell me why is that!” The Fire Lord’s anger woke up again, this time more violently as he grabbed his son by the shoulders, shaking him. “Stop blabbering and get to the point!”

He squeezed his fists tighter, thinking of an answer to give. He couldn’t tell the truth, if he told him he couldn’t marry Ta Min because Roku loved her, his father would think of him weaker than he already did, finding even more reasons to force them into this marriage. He couldn’t say he was in love with another girl, because such girl didn’t exist. He couldn’t say she wasn’t good enough for him, because that would put her and her family in a disgraceful position.

“Speak, son!” He commanded once again, causing Sozin to jump slightly. _And Sozin hated himself for it._

“Because she is practically engaged to someone else!” He tried his luck, silently praying that the Fire Lord wouldn’t ask him to elaborate.

“What do you mean by _practically_?” His father inquired. _So much for praying._ “Any past affiliation and engagement was considered to be annulled when I asked for her hand in marriage from her father in your behalf. And he told me nothing about her being engaged to someone else.”

“Roku loves her, and I can’t do this to him. _I won’t!_ ” Sozin said finally, not being able to think of another excuse.

“And who taught you to care about love?” His father scoffed, his voice dripping with mockery.

“Not you, certainly.” The Prince muttered under his breath.

“What did you just say?!”

Sozin looked at him in the eye, pushing his fear aside. _I am not a little boy._ “I said you are not capable of loving anyone, not even your own son! I don’t think you loved my mother either!”

“How dare you?!” The Fire Lord exploded with an anger unlike any Sozin had witnessed before. “How can you think it is your place to speak of how I felt about my late wife?!” He grabbed his son’s arm with bruising force, fingers digging into his skin through the sleeve of his robes.

“Let go of me!” Sozin tried to free his arm from him.

“You are going to listen to me carefully first.” His father’s voice had suddenly become uncharacteristically quiet, dangerous. And it chilled Sozin to the bone. “Your loyalty to your nation must lie deeper than the loyalty to your friend. And your duty to your nation is to make the royal bloodline continue.”

“But why does it have to be with her?!” Sozin insisted as he felt the Fire Lord’s grip tighten around his arm. He could fight back, even strike him, but he remembered the guards outside of the door. They wouldn’t hesitate to attack if the Fire Lord ordered them so, and Sozin would end up outnumbered and humiliated.

“Because that is what I decided on! And now, I see that my decision was more than fitting. Caring for someone makes you weak, and I will not have you displaying any more weakness!” His nails had broken into his skin now, and Sozin knew they would leave a mark. “Did I make myself clear?” 

The Prince didn’t respond, continuing to stare straight into his eyes, as if he was challenging him. But his eyes widened in shock as he felt his father’s hand around his arm heating up. _He was about to burn him!_

“Did I make myself clear?!” He repeated.

“Yes, you did!” Sozin shouted in panic, afraid that his father would actually burn him if he continued to disobey. “Just fucking let me go, you crazy—“

“Watch your language, son!” He cut him off, letting go of his arm and shoving him away with more force than neccesary. “Now get out, and while you are at it, tell the girl to not say a word about this to anyone.” He turned around and walked back to his throne, sitting down with a sigh. It did seem like this whole commotion had worn him outquite a bit.

Sozin just stared blankly at his father for a few minutes, not being able to shake off the shock. _He had almost burnt him. He was going to burn him, that son of a bitch!_ How had the things become so bad between them?

...

He found Ta Min in the hallway, a guard standing behind her as if she would try to run away. She was looking more scared than she had been before.

“Leave us alone.” Sozin commanded to the guard, not bothering to hide the harsh tone of his voice.

The guard hesitated, but complied, after catching the Prince’s glare.

Sozin was still fuming because of his argument with his father, he struggled to find the right words to say for a minute, trying to force his voice to come out normal in order to not scare Ta Min any further. “Don’t take anything I said back in the throne room personally. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Of course, Prince Sozin.” Her voice was meek and obedient, she had been trained well. She would actually make a good wife.

He pushed the thought as far away as he could manage, he wouldn’t let his father get into his head like that. He considered what to say, the uncomfortable silence between them growing with every passing second.

“I know about you and Roku.” He said finally.

“Y-you do?” Her expression suddenly twisted with fear. _Was it treason to want to be with someone else when you were practically engaged to the Fire Lord’s son?_ “Are you... angry about it?” She asked with a shaky voice. 

“Angry?” Sozin laughed dryly, almost sounding incredulous. “Why would I be angry? I was the one that kept pressuring Roku to confess his feelings for you.”

Ta Min’s expression softened a bit, her shoulders relaxed. “That is exactly why I won’t marry you.” Sozin stated, trying to be reassuring. But his voice sounded flat even to his own ears.

“You won’t?! But the Fire Lord said—“

“I know what the Fire Lord said!” He cut her off, his tone harsher than he had meant it to be. “But trust me when I say that I will do anything in my power to make sure this marriage won’t happen. You can rest assured.” He didn’t know what else he could do, but he couldn’t just give up.

“Thank you, Your Highness...” She gave hima genuine smile, the first one since she had stepped foot inside the palace. “You are a good friend.”

_I am really not._ “Go home now.” Sozin responded dismissively. Then remembering his father’s command he added, “and don’t tell anyone about what happened today. I will find a way to make things right.”

Ta Min unexpectedly reached out and wrapped her arms around him, ignoring all the formalities. “Thank you.” She whispered. “So much. I do really like Roku, and I would like to be with him, given the choice.”

He didn’t know what to say as he tried to awkwardly return the hug, before she quickly pulled away. “I am sorry if I crossed the line...” She muttered, looking down, embarressed.

Sozin found himself at a loss for words for a second, no one outside of his family and Roku had showed the audacity to hug the Prince before. He cleared his throat before he spoke. “It is fine, just go now.” He tried to say reassuringly, as Ta Min turned away and walked towards the other end of the hall, leaving with a proper bow this time.

...

Once he returned to his chambers, his mind started racing. _He had to do something!_ But what? His father had made it clear that nothing Sozin would say or do could change his mind. 

He would never let Sozin choose someone else to be his wife, not after he had revealed the fact that Roku was in love with Ta Min. 

In the midst of his desperation, one thought crossed his mind. A thought that was so disturbing and wrong that it made the Prince shiver. But he couldn’t get it out of his mind however hard he tried.

_Maybe he would have to take his father out of the equation completely..._


	14. The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to update early since I've been away for sometime, and I've already had this chapter done anyway. Honestly, it was a hard chapter to write because of how little dialogue was in it, and how it needed more description that I am used to do. Anyways, I hope you like it in the end!
> 
> Small disclaimer: I think this is the point in the story that the things start to take a darker turn than the show itself.

Sozin stayed up all night, thinking about what he must do. Could he actually do it? _Should_ he do it? He might have been a lot of things, but was he a murderer? Could he kill his own father? Would he regret it if he did?

Would he be able to live on with the blood of the man who was supposed to love him unconditionally, but didn’t, on his hands? But then again, would he be able to look into Roku’s eyes after seeing the betrayal in them? How could he have children with the girl his best friends was in love with?

There was absolutely no way to convince the Fire Lord, Sozin knew that much. Nothing could change his mind, every plea, every scream, every begging, would make him want to force this onto his son more. No, he wouldn’t back down. _As long as he was alive, that was._

His father. _Had he been a proper father to him in years?_ That scrict, but still caring man, turned into a looming figure in the shadows, ready to explode at any time.

If Sozin had to guess, the Fire Lord had very few years left anyway. He was well over his prime by now, they both knew that. He wasn’t that old, not really, he was in his sixties, but the constant anger and stress had taken a toll on him. His heart had weakened. It would be very well believable that he had passed away in his sleep, no one would even think about blaming Sozin. 

He was suprised how detached he was able to look at this. _Maybe he had learnt a few things from his father after all._

Of course, he would have to wait. Even though no one would most likely dare to accuse the Prince of the murder of his own father, it would surely raise some suspicions that this happened to occur right after their argument. The guards at the door had heard them, he knew the word would travel. 

Besides, he knew he shouldn’t make any rushed decisions. He had to make sure that this was the best option, the _only_ option. And he had to come up with a plan. He couldn’t trust anyone to do the job for him, the truth could potentially be tortured out of them if they were ever discovered. He had to do this on his own. 

He didn’t know if his father had guards in front of his bedroom doors or not. His father’s chambers was a place Sozin hadn’t visited ever since he was a small child. 

There had to be no external wounds either, or any substance that could be traced. That meant he had to get his hands dirty, and Sozin didn’t like the idea at all.

He was startled when he realized how he was thinking about this like he had actually decided to go through with it. _Wasn’t he debating on if he had to do this or not, just a minute ago?_

As far as Sozin was taught, patricide wasn’t something uncommon in the royal family, though such a crime hadn’t been committed for generations. And never for a motive such as this one. It had always been about ascending to the throne early, or some sort of personal vendetta. A Prince, murdering his own father in cold blood to not marry the girl his best friend was in love with, now that would certainly make it into the history parchments. _If he was ever caught._

Sozin knew he couldn’t stop some people from thinking about it, or even spreading rumors. But as long as there was no evidence, speculating would be all that they could ever do. 

And he would make sure that there would be no evidence left.

...

It took Sozin a week to actually decide on going through with this, and another to form an actual plan. In the meantime, he played along like he had actually agreed to marry Ta Min, but he kept putting the actual marriage off, always trying to buy time with excuses.

His father was near the end of his patience now, he had to do it soon.

At night, he would spend his time coming up with a plan to follow. Un untraceable poison was, naturally, the first thing that came to his mind, but he quickly discarded the idea. He couldn’t trust anyone with concocting such a substance, and he didn’t possess the skills required for it. History lessons had shown him that the women who had prepared the poisons had caused the downfall of the princes who were unfortunate enough to trust them. He was sure that the Fire Lord didn’t have this in mind when he forced his son to learn the history of his nation. _Maybe it had been useful after all._

He had checked the hall that led to his fathers private chambers for guards during the week of his planning, pretending like he had taken a walk around the palace. To his suprise, no guards were standing there at night. His father wasn’t as paranoid as Sozin had assumed. _Maybe he should have been._

...

Tonight was the night. 

Sozin would either succeed, or get caught doing it. There would be no backing away now. 

He briefly wondered what would happen to him if he were to actually get caught. Would they execute him? That seemed like the most probable answer. But then what would happen? Who would take the throne? He reminded himself to not think about this at that moment. There were already so many things that could go wrong. His father could be awake, he could scream, alert the guards, or Sozin could actually turn out to not have the guts to do it after all. 

Walking in the empty hallway, well past midnight, Sozin felt like he was making too much noise. Every footstep echoed like thunder, every moving shadow in the every corner he turned felt like a person watching him, every guard he came across on the way, not on duty but just walking to go to their room, seemed like they knew what Sozin was planning. 

He stood in front of the doors to the Fire Lord’s chambers for a while, knowing that once he entered, there would be no turning back. When he placed a hand on the gold ornate handle and pushed the door open, it felt like it creaked too much. When he closed it after him, it sounded like an explosion to his ears.

And there was his father, sleeping soundly in his bed. He was so still that he almost looked dead already. _Almost._ The only indication of him being alive was the regular rise and fall of his chest. _It would soon remain forever still._

It took Sozin a few minutes to find the courage to start walking, thankfully the carpet on the floor served to muffle out the sounds of his footsteps. He stood next to the bed, observing his father’s face. He didn’t look at all scary when he was asleep, harsh edges of his face softened in a temporary serenity.

_But then he woke up._

The Fire Lord’s eyes widened in shock as he woke up to see his son standing over his bed in the middle of the night, his expression reclaiming his usual harshness quickly. But Sozin could see there was something hidden under the mask of wrath and fury. _Fear._

“Sozin, what is the meaning of this?!” His voice was rough from being just woken up. “What in the world are you doing here?!”

The Prince found himself at a loss for words. This was not supposed to happen. He was not supposed to wake up.

“I am going to talk, and you are going to listen.” He forced his voice to come out as authoritative as possible, not letting his father know how terrified he actually was.

“Get out of my room immedietly, or I will call for the guards!” His father threatened, voice getting louder with each word.

Sozin was panicking, he didn’t know what to do. All this planning, and still, he hadn’t considered what would happen if his father actually woke up before the Prince made any sort of move. How stupid he was to go through with this with such a half-assed plan. Now he could see its every fault, everything that could, _and would_ , go wrong. “No.” 

“Guar—“ The Fire Lord started but his yelling was cut off by his son’s hand covering his mouth, horror flickered in his eyes. But it didn’t took him long to gather himself up, grabbing his son’s wrist as flames appeared in his hand.

Sozin hissed in pain as hot flames seared his flesh, and it took him all the strength he had to not scream. His vision was getting blurry, the burning was gradually getting worse, he felt like his skin had melted off. Yet he didn’t pull his hand away, knowing that there was no turning back now.

“I never wanted it to come down to this...” His voice was strained, a metallic taste in his mouth from biting his cheek in pain. “But you left me no choice.”

With his free hand, the Prince grabbed the spare pillow, the silk slippery in his grasp as he pressed it down on the Fire Lord’s face, forcing him to let go of his wrist.

He had thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, but with his father’s grip disappearing, fresh air hit the wound, sending a new jolt of pain through his entire body. He felt like he was going to pass out, but kept pressing the pillow down nonetheless.

“I want you to go knowing that you can’t order me around like you do everyone else, father!” The Fire Lord was thrashing and kicking now, trying to grab his son’s arm again. “You haven’t been a father to me since mother passed away. We could’ve been happy, you didn’t have to change. You brought this on yourself!”

He could hear the muffled grunts of his father, screams, threats maybe. _They wouldn’t be able to save him now._ The Fire Lord’s chest was moving up and down frantically, begging for the tiniest shred of oxygen. His movements only continued to get weaker and weaker the longer Sozin kept the pillow on his face, he wasn’t even feeling the horrible pain the motion of pressing down should cause on his burn as the adrenaline was coursing through his veins.

After what felt like forever, the body of the former Fire Lord went completely limp.

When Sozin let the pillow fall, what he saw was something that came out of a nightmare. The corpse only vaguely resembled the man he once knew, he had the same hair and the same bone structure, but the similarities ended there. This was a demented, deformed version of his father. His face was contorted and limbs twisted, his mouth was left open as he had tried to gasp for air, only the whites of his eyes were visible. Sozin could feel the bile rising in his throat. 

After he had gotten over the initial shock, and felt like he could move again, he quickly turned away, leaving the room. His movements were clumsier than before, his head was spinning, he wasn’t even being careful to not be seen by anyone. Not that it mattered, he thought with the part of his mind that still retained some sort of clarity, everyone must’ve gone to bed by now.

Once he reached his chambers, he locked himself in his bathroom, vomiting his guts out. The horrible sight refused to leave his vision no matter how hard he tried. Every time he closed his eyes, the corpse of his father appeared in the dark. 

_He had murdered his father._

He sat on the cold marble floor as he let the thought of the atrocious crime he commited sink in, leaning his head against the wall. He was struggling to breathe, he felt as if his father’s hands were wrapped around his neck in an attempt to get revenge. _Was this guilt?_

He ran a hand across his face, shaking and sweaty. As his wrist rubbed against his sleeve, another surge of pain came over him. Somehow he had completely forgotten about the burn.

What he saw made his stomach turn upside down once again. The outer layer of the skin had completely melted of, exposing the red layers underneath. He heaved dryly with nothing but acid to vomit when he saw a part of a bone under the muscle tissue, feeling lightheaded suddenly. He needed to take care of this somehow, but his mind was just so cloudy that he was barely able to think. The only thing he knew was that he couldn’t go to the hospital wing. Way too suspicious to turn up with an obviously deliberate burn that vaguely resembled the shape of a hand on the night of the Fire Lord’s death.

He forced himself to take deep and even breaths to calm down, but without even realizing, he started to hyperventilate. He was feeling like someone had placed a heavy rock on top of his chest and he wasn’t able to remove it. It didn’t take long before he passed out on the bathroom floor.

...

He woke up, cold and shivering, after how many hours he wasn’t exactly sure. He was both shaking and sweating coldly, his body burning and freezing at the same time. But through his haze, only one single thought prevailed. _Get a hold of yourself!_ He needed to take care of things before the morning came.

Holding onto the wall, he got up with shaky legs, closing his eyes until the world around him became stable again. Once he made sure he wouldn’t collapse, he walked up to wash his face, with tentative steps. The feeling of cold water made him feel alive and able to think again. He held his wrist in the water for a few minutes as well, the water relieving the pain that had started to get numb in the passing hours. His skin was hot like it was still on fire, the fresh and cool feeling of the water came as a shock. It did sting, but it was better than the numb hotness, so he welcomed the pain.

The best he could do to treat the burn was to bandage up his wrist, knowing that it wouldn’t be enough. But it was better than nothing, so he wrapped a piece of clean cloth around his wound, biting the inside of his cheek in pain for the second time that night, while doing that. 

He lifted his gaze up to study his reflection, noticing that he was looking horrible. He looked sick and pale, his hair was a mess, loose strings had escaped his bun, his face was covered in sweat, and his eyes looked lifeless with the dark bags under them. He leaned against the sink, arms shaking. He felt like he was going to throw up again, so he closed his eyes and took a few shaky breaths to get rid of that feeling. 

When he finally exited the bathroom, Sozin saw that the sun was about to rise. It wouldn’t be too long before someone noticed that his father was dead. He had to act quickly.

He quickly changed into his sleeping clothes, letting his hair loose, before crawling under the sheets of his bed. He was still feeling cold, and the coolness of the silk sheets didn’t help his shivering either. 

He knew he couldn’t fall asleep, not when there still was this uncertainty. _What if he is still alive?_ They would come to take him then, his father would certainly report him. They would execute him immedietly. A public execution. One last humiliation before he died. _You weren’t even capable of killing an old man_ , his father’s hollow voice echoed in his ears.

 _No, he is dead, he has to be!_ There was no way he could be alive, right? He had seen his lifeless body, he had to be dead. Then why was he still worrying about it?

He didn’t know how many hours had passed staring at the ceiling, but the sun had already risen when he heard a knock on his door, causing him to jump slightly. 

He took a deep breath, sitting up on the bed and bracing himself. _The moment of truth._

He cleared his throat before calling out, hiding his bandaged wrist under the sheets as he grimaced in pain. “Enter.” His voice managed to come out calm and collected, much to his surprise.

There was a long pause before the door slowly opened that Sozin almost thought whoever was at the other side of it had left. “Pardon me for waking you up, my Prince.” The servant spoke in a quiet voice, never lifting his gaze up from the floor for a moment. “But something happened...”

“What?” Sozin could feel his heart beating in his throat, anticipation growing stronger as the servant kept his silence. “Speak, damn it!”

The man flinched, and Sozin noticed a slight tremble in his hands. He was afraid. _Of him, or of breaking the news?_

“I am so sorry to inform you, Prince Sozin...” The servant’s voice was shaking, worried about the Prince’s reaction. 

“But the Fire Lord has unfortunately passed away.”


End file.
